I Think I Love You
by Hellion728
Summary: L should be dead. His name was written in the Death Note, yet he is still alive, if only barely. Unanswered questions about the notebook's power & L's feelings for him leave Light in turmoil & unsure of what to do next. Yaoi, Slight OOC, Mostly Light'sPOV
1. Chapter 1

Hello, everyone! Well, not technically everyone. Just whoever happens upon this. I would like to thank you in advance for taking the time to come and read my fic.

I do have a warning for you, though. This is my first Death Note fic. I've been obsessed for a while and have read plenty of other's fics. Then one day I had the intense urge to write a story of my own. So, after a while of planning it out, here it is! My first DN fic! Please don't hate me if it sucks. =)

This is also, as may have noticed, rated M. That would be because, well, I am also obsessed with yaoi. Yup. Another yaoi DN fic. =) This is also my first yaoi, so again, try not to hate me. Because of that fact, there probably won't be a whole lot of it, but it will be there. And there will be plenty of making out/groping to make up for it. =) Besides, I've ready plenty of yaoi fics, so I'm pretty sure I'm ready to give a crack at it.

Another reason its rated M is for swearing. Not sure how much, but it's not going to be very mild when it's there.

Now that I feel like I got the "business" stuff over and done with, here is my story.

I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. I only own the plot line depicted within with story and any other later introduced characters not previously written within the original Death Note story I also do not own any songs used within this story or the artist(s) to which said songs rightfully belong.

*~*~*~*

_What if I wanted to break?  
Laugh it off all in you face?  
What would you do?  
What if I fell to the floor?  
Couldn't take this any more?  
What would you do?  
Come break me down.  
Bury me, bury me.  
I am finished with you._

*~*~*~*

**Chapter One**

"Tell me, Light, from the moment you were bourn, has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?"

Light stood there, staring at the raven haired man in front of him. He hadn't been expecting that. Then again, he never knew what to expect when it came to L. He was unpredictable, hiding his thoughts and feelings well with those emotionless black eyes and monotone voice.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, Light shaking off the slight shock and formulating an appropriate answer.

While he was going off on a slight rant, he watched L's expression--well, if you call a constantly blank face an expression--for any slight, rare emotion. There was nothing. They just kept staring at each other. Light didn't know weather or not L was buying his explanation. Light was more than prepared to bet on the later.

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that," L said, looking back over the city.

They stood there in silence again for a minute. L was the one to break it this time.

"Let's go back inside," he said, turning toward the building. "We're both drenched."

"Yeah," Light simply stated, following the detective inside.

*~*~*~*

"Fine, do what you want," Light said, a bit annoyed, and, he had to admit, a bit flustered for reasons unbeknownst to him.

L started to dry off his feet, but he tried to push the feeling of it away. L was obviously not going to take 'no' for an answer. So Light just decided to cut out the argument. It was pretty easy to ignore the feeling of L's hands on his foot. That was, until he twisted it.

"Hey!" Light protested.

"You'll get used to it," was all L said, and he continued with Light's foot.

Light shifted slightly, now uncomfortable. What was L's problem? And why was his heart beating so fast? He again tried to ignore the other, but it was definitely harder this time. L was using more pressure, making it difficult for Light to pretend someone wasn't drying off his feet.

Water from L's hair started to drip onto his foot. It was icy cold from the rain outside and it sent a shiver up Light's spine. At least, that's what he told himself it was.

Before he knew what he was doing, Light reached behind him to his forgotten towel. Without giving his arm permission, he extended it to wipe off L's hair.

"Here," Light said quietly, pushing the towel across L's bangs to get the excess rain. "You're still soaked."

L looked at the ground. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

Light was confused. He tried figuring out what L could possibly be sorry about, but before he had the chance to come up with a reasonable explanation, L looked up at him.

"Light-Kun," L said, his eyes meeting Light's.

Light's heart skipped and he didn't know why. It seemed he didn't know much at all today. Before he comprehended what was happening, L had leaned up towards him. Before Light realized what was going to happen, L's lips met his.

Light's eyes widened and his heart beat erratically. L was kissing him! He knew it was wrong. He knew he should pull away. He knew he wasn't gay. But L's lips were soft and, yes, a bit chilled—weather they were always like that or it was from the cold rain, he didn't know—and they felt so good there on his own.

Again, without Light's permission, his body started to react. His eyes were sliding closed, his lips moving slightly against L's still ones. His elbows were started to give a little, for we has leaning back on his hands and the kiss was making him slightly light-headed.

With Light's acceptance of his actions—he had, of course, started to kiss back, what more acceptance was needed?—L's lips started to also move with Light's.

It was gently, slow, unsure. This was uncharted territory and neither knew what to expect. Even so, L wasn't about to let Light gain any kind of upper hand in the situation. He had the upper hand in the first place, the one who initiated the kiss. He wasn't about to give up that position.

Light felt L's mouth open a little and his tongue—which was warm in contradiction to his lips—slide gently out, running across Light's bottom lip. Light unintentionally moaned and L took that as a sign to go further.

The black haired man pushed his tongue harder against Light's lips, asking for entrance.

Light's body, again, betrayed him. His mouth opened without him consciously making such a decision. He could fell L's wet muscle slide between his lips, about to enter fully into his mouth. Light's own tongue started to reach out to meet the foreign visitor eagerly. Their tongues were about to meet, and then....

L's cell phone went off with a shrill ring.

Said man pulled quickly away, getting up without missing a beat and digging into his pocket to get the object that had interrupted them.

Light's eyes flew open, his heart beating wildly in his rib cage, his breathing fast. His mind whirled. What had just happened?

"Yes?" L was saying, and Light looked over to him, eyes still wide with shock. "I understand."

L's back was turned away from him, so Light had a moment to calm down and catch his breath. And comprehend everything that had happened.

L had been drying off his feet, and the next thing Light knew, L was kissing him. And Light had for some reason beyond his grasp kissed back. Then, to Light's horror, he realized that he had been about to let L _tongue_ him. About to let a man trying to sentence him to death fucking _French kiss_ him. Light sat there, mouth open slightly, stunned by that fact. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Come on," L said, not turning to face said boy. "Let's go, Light. It seems like it's all worked out." With no further explanation, L walked away, leaving Light sitting stunned on the steps to stare after him.

*~*~*~*

"Ryuzaki! What's wrong?"

Light held the detective in his arms, looking down at him. His eyes were full of emotions, but Light couldn't decipher what they were. It was ironic, Light thought. That the one time L's eyes held any form of emotion it was near impossible to tell what they were.

Light knew that L was dying. In a few short moments, L's heart would falter, his pulse slow, his breathing stop. He stared maliciously down at his enemy, letting the detective know that he had lost. That he was Kira, there was nothing L could do about it, and that he, Light, would rule the world as a god.

L stared up at Light, his hand gripping the younger boy's shirt at the shoulder. His eyes flashed with his past memories and with betrayal and hatred that Light was mocking him as his life ended. And he knew his life was ending. Rem had written his name in the Death Note, and there was no escaping it now.

L's eyes began to dim slightly and they slid closed slowly, as if the muscles there were inexperienced in this area and had to take it slow to make sure it was done correctly. As the black orbs were finally covered, Light put on an act that could very well have him nominated for an Oscar.

Shaking L's body, he begged for the detective to get up, to open his eyes. L knew Light was full of shit. He knew he was rejoicing that he had won. The last thing L heard was Light's 'frantic' screaming and the task force trying to calm him before his mind slid into darkness.

*~*~*~*

_What if I wanted to fight?  
Beg for the rest of my life?  
What would you do?  
You say wanted more  
What are you waiting for?  
I'm not running from you  
Come break me down  
Bury me, bury me  
I am finished with you  
Look in my eyes  
You're killing me, killing me  
All I wanted was you...._

*~*~*~*

Song:

The Kill

Artist:

30 Seconds to Mars


	2. Chapter 2

_You love me  
But you don't know  
Who I am.  
I'm torn between  
This life I lead  
And where I stand._

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Two**

_Turning his head slightly Light looked at the man sitting next to him. Then he glanced down at the five foot chain that locked them together. They had been together 24/7 for about a month now. Light sighed silently and stole another glance at the older man._

L sat on the bed to Light's left, typing in the dark on his laptop, still working on the case. He thought Light was asleep, so didn't notice the teen staring at him. Or, so Light thought.

"Anything wrong, Light-kun?"

The auburn haired boy jumped slightly as L's voice broke the sudden silence--well, silence except for the laptop's keys being pushed down.

"Why are you still working on the case at this time of night, Ryuzaki?" Light snapped, angry that he hadn't fooled the detective. "It's four in the morning!"

"Since I do not much require sleep and the rest of the task force does, it is very productive for me to spend your sleeping hours working," L explained emotionless. His eyes never left his laptop and his typing didn't falter in the slightest. "Besides," he went on, "who said I was working on the Kira case? Even with someone killing criminals, doesn't mean that crime just stops, Light-kun." L glanced over at him pointedly. His typing still didn't suffer in the slightest.

Light sat up, now really angry. "It was a rhetorical question, Ryuzaki!" Light snapped. "And what was that for?"

"What was what for?" L asked, his voice just as monotone as it had been during his explanation.

Light curled his hands into fists. "That look! You still think I'm Kira! Damn you, Ryuzaki! You know I'm not!"

"No, Light-kun," L said, this time taking his hands off the keyboard and looking straight at Light. "I do not know who Kira is, but I don't know who he isn't, _either. As far as I'm concerned, anyone and everyone can be a suspect."_

"Could be,"_ Light hissed back. "But you singled out me!"_

"Who else am I to suspect? Who else could have the intelligence in Japan to match yours, to match Kira's?" L kept his eyes on Light, his gaze not wavering for a second. A heavy tension suddenly enveloped the surrounding air. It was suffocating.

Light's pulse stopped for a second before picking up again, much faster than before. He knew he was just complimented, in a way. He felt heat rise in his cheeks and he mentally kicked himself.

"Did you even bother to check into something like that?" Light asked, not able to get the venom back into his voice from before.

"Yes I did," L replied. "No one from Japan stands even close to you in intelligence, college age or adult. You're obviously one of a kind."

Light's eyes widened a little at L's words. He felt his blush deepen and he knew that unless he wanted L to see—which he definitely didn't—he would have to let it go.

"Whatever," Light muttered, flipping over away from L. He lay back down and tried to go back to sleep.

"Not going to defend yourself, Light-Kun?" L asked, and Light swore he heard a taunting edge to the detective's voice.

"Just drop it," he mumbled into the pillow.

There was silence in the room and Light thought that L wasn't going to do so. He began to tense for L's response, but it didn't come. A few seconds later the sound of typing filled the uncomfortable air. The tension began to lift a little and Light forced his eyes closed.

*~*~*~*

The sound of phones ringing, people running around and gurneys being pushed to different rooms filled the waiting area of St. Luke's International Hospital. Light, Mogi, Aizawa, and Matsuda were all there in the little room, anxious to hear anything, even though they knew that it wasn't going to be good news. It was obvious L's name had been written in the Death Note, and there was nothing that could be done to prevent his death. Soichiro was in with L and the doctors, taking care of the paperwork and to relay any news to the others.

It had been half an hour since L collapsed.

*~*~*~*

_"Someone! Call an ambulance!"_

"Ryuzaki! Get up! Come on!"

"Who's going to ride to the hospital?"

"Don't worry. I'll go with him."

Aizawa had at that point picked up L and carried him into the elevator with the rest of them following. Soichiro had his cell phone to his ear, talking to the dispatcher on the other end, telling them their location.

They reached the bottom of the tower and waited. What seemed like forever later, but was only about a minute, sirens could be heard fast approaching. The next half hour was a blur. EMTs then came into the building with a stretcher and loaded L into the ambulance. Another couple of EMTs went to get Watari also, Matsuda and Mogi taking them to where he was. Soichiro got in the ambulance with L and Aizawa in with Watari when they brought the old man down. Light, Matsuda and Mogi followed in Mogi's car.

Arriving at the hospital, Aizawa caught the three that hadn't come with the ambulances. Watari had been pronounced dead before they even got there. He hadn't seen Soichiro.

*~*~*~*

So now they sat, thirty minutes later, still waiting for him. None of them talked. There was nothing to say.

They watched while a doctor came in to get the other family—a father and two boys who looked like 7 and 12—in the room. The doctor had a few quick words with the father, and relief spread over his face. In turn, seeing their father happy, the boy's expressions lightened up as well. They hurried out of the room to go see whoever they had been worrying about. The doctor left also, shooting the four a sympathetic glance.

Matsuda was now fidgeting in his seat. Aizawa got up and started pacing. Mogi started wringing his hands. They were showing their extreme anxiety. Light just sat still, staring at the opposite wall.

After another 10 minutes of this, Soichiro finally came back. Everyone stopped what they were doing and gave him their utmost attention as he came further into the room. His face seemed strained.

"Ryuzaki...." he started. He sighed. His eyes were very serious. "Ryuzaki is alive."

Audible gasps could be heard in the room, everyone's eyes wide in astonishment. Light couldn't help but lean forward in his seat, ditching his perfect posture for his shock.

"Alive?" Aizawa asked, disbelieving.

Soichiro nodded. "Yes."

He gave the team a few seconds to digest this news.

"But that's good news, right, Chief?" Matsuda asked, noticing the still strained expression Light's father wore.

"Yes," he said, sounding exhausted. "It is extremely good news. But he's also.... He's in a coma," he said, dropping the bomb.

"Coma?" Matsuda asked, eyes even wider than before.

Soichiro went to sit next to Light and sighed heavily. "Yes. They don't know how deeply, how long it's going to last or...." he hesitated. "Or if he's even going to come out of it at all."

Silence descended around the group. After a minute, Light spoke up.

"That's not all, is it, dad?" he asked, noticing, like Matsuda, that his father's expression was still tense.

"No," Soichiro sighed again. "Ryuzaki also has a terrible fever. It's 38.4. He also looks like he's in a lot of pain. And he has bruises on his back. Weather those are from him falling, they don't know, but I have the feeling they're not."

Everyone nodded in agreement. With all the supernatural things that had gone on, it wasn't likely that something as normal as bruises were really normal at all.

"Is he in the ICU?" Matsuda asked.

Soichiro just nodded in response.

"Can we go in and see him?" Light asked. He started for a moment. He didn't know he even thought such a thing, much less could he believe he asked it. No one seemed to find it unusual, though.

"Yes," Soichiro said. "You can. Just tell the nurses you're going in."

Light nodded and got up. He suddenly didn't want to go, but it would look very strange for him to ask and then not go. So he left the room, the others all sitting down to further digest the news.

Light walked down the hall a little ways, turned right, and saw a nurse standing in front of a doorway, writing in a chart. He walked up to her. "Excuse me?" he said, faking a polite tone.

The nurse looked up. She had black hair and semi dark skin. Her eyes were cat like and dark brown and she smiled warmly at Light. "How can I help you?" she asked with kindness.

"Could you possibly tell me where Rue Ryuzaki's room is?" Light asked innocently enough. He didn't want to come off as flirty.

"Yes," she said, turning toward the opposite end of the corridor. She pointed to the left side of doors. "Room 472," she replied.

"Thank you," Light said with a slight smile.

The nurse smiled too then went back to writing in her file. Light walked in the direction that she had pointed him in. There was yet another nurse coming out of the room. Light noticed that the blinds were drawn.

"Is this Rue Ryuzaki's room?" he asked her. She looked a lot different from the last nurse. She had brunette hair and green eyes. Probably American.

"Yes, it is," she said, with an imperfect Japanese accent. Definitely American.

"May I go in to see him?" he asked, glancing at the closed blinds.

"Yes, of course," she answered, with something like sympathy in her voice and eyes. "Just try not to stay too long. We still have to run a few more tests."

Light nodded, slightly surprised. What kind of tests could they need to run? He decided to look it up when he got back to headquarters. He slipped quickly into the room, for some reason suddenly anxious.

It was worse then he thought it would be.

L was lying in the only bed in the room. He had wires attached to him to keep track of his heart, brain function, temperature, and blood pressure. His father wasn't kidding. L's temperature was high. But it had now risen up point two degrees, and was now 38.6. He also he an IV drip in his left arm. But that wasn't what really troubled Light.

It was the way L's face was contorted. His jaw was clenched; his eyes pressed together, his lips ever so slightly pulled up, almost in a snarl. Or a silent scream that wouldn't come out. He had his shirt off, which when Light noticed, made his heart skip a beat and pound against his rib cage. That was very strange. He did find some relief when he also noted that almost his entire torso was covered with the hospital sheets. He was also covered in a sheen of sweat. He was breathing hard, from the fever or obvious pain he was in Light didn't know. And he didn't care.

All he cared about was how _weak_ L looked. No, weak wasn't the word. L could never look weak. He looked.... Light couldn't come up with a word for it. All he knew was that L looked.... Well, un-L-like. And that he didn't like it.

He didn't like how L looked like he was in pain. He didn't like the IV in his arm, or the machines monitoring his vitals. He didn't like the sweat that was in a thin layer on the detective's skin. He didn't like the fact that L was in a coma and that he may not wake up. This wasn't the L he knew. This wasn't _his_ L. And that bothered Light. And he knew why.

Without fully realizing what he was doing, he started to lean down. Gently putting his hand on the detective's head, his other lightly on his chest, careful not to jar the wires, he placed his lips gently on L's.

They were still chilled. This made Light smile a little. Just like before. So it hadn't been the rain.

He pulled away a little. Leaning his forehead on L's, he whispered, five simple words. "I think I love you."

If Light didn't know better, he would have sworn that L's heart monitor jumped a little.

*~*~*~*

_You love me  
But you don't know  
Who I am.  
So let me go.  
Let me go...._

*~*~*~*

Song:

Let Me Go

Artist:

3 Doors Down

Author's Note:

Ah! Hence the name of the story. ;)

Also, I need to explain a few things here.

1. For those who aren't that familiar with medical analogies, ICU stands for Intensive Care Unit.

2. When I was stating L's temperatures, I was using Celsius. Since they use the Metric system in all places but the U.S. and few other VERY small countries, I thought it would be better to use the measurement used in Japan. Here are the conversions:

38.4 C = 101.12 F  
38.6 C = 101.48 F

and

3. Yes, St. Luke's International Hospital is a real hospital. I looked up hospitals in Tokyo so I wouldn't have to come up with my usual very lame names. The link is posted on my profile if you want to look it up.

Well, that's it. Thanks again for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

_Save me  
Get me the hell out of here  
Save me  
Too young to die_

_And my dear_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Three**

Old, ragged, ripped, dusty grey wings folded back around the body of their owner. Taking out the little black notebook with a clawed hand, the shinigami looked down at the human in the bed.

He was panting and sweating with pain and fever and was in a coma. He shuddered and winced, suffering. His muscles were tense and his jaw was clenched shut.

"I'm sorry," the deep, almost creepy, voice said as it fully pulled the Death Note out of its holster. "You are suffering the consequences of my actions. But it will be worth it."

The shinigami king brushed the human with his note, enabling the human to see him, but letting the king keep his ownership of it.

"I'm relying on you," he said as he put the notebook back in his belt. "I need you to restore our ways. This had gone on way too long. I apologize for your suffering. You needn't worry about dying. I will watch over you."

With that, the king unfurled his wings again and took off just as the door opened. He saw a flash of auburn hair as he went through the ceiling. And one of his children. Ryuk.

He would pay dearly, Ryuk. He had caused a lot of damage and once this was over, he would be sure to give Ryuk the same fate as Rem. But for now, it would be better if the king just let events unfold.

He knew Ryuk saw him, but he also knew his child would not tell his human so. Safe with the fact that his too-long absence from the situation would be safely concealed, he flew away through the ceiling, to wait out L's 23 days in his coma.

*~*~*~*

_You can't  
If you can hear me_

_Just walk away_

_And Take me_

*~*~*~*

Song:

The End.

Artist:

My Chemical Romance

Author's Note:

Okay, I know, this is like SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER short! But I really wanted to put this in and I didn't want to fuse it with another scene, because I thought it would kind of take away from it. So I guess you could just consider this a filler chapter. To make up for it I will update the next chapter much quicker.

Also, sorry about the song. I couldn't think of something that fit, and I've been trying to pick songs that fit the chapter. Am I doing so well so far? Also, if you have any suggestions of songs that I could possibly use or you want me to try to use, please put the name and artist (or lyrics, if you want a particular part of the song) in a review. I will try my best to shape the two together. Please, no freaky whacked-out songs like "This is Why I'm Hot" or "I'm Brining Sexy Back" or songs like that. We all know that L's fucking gorgeous. =) Anyway, thanks again for reading/reviewing.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:

Well, since the last chapter was so horribly short—again, sorry about that—I promised you a faster update on this chapter. And here it is. Hope you enjoy it. And a special thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. It really makes my day. =)

*~*~*~*

_I'm here without you, Baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you, Baby_

_And I dream about you all the time_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Four**

Staring at the information on the computer screen, Light didn't see the text. His mind was in a far off place. He didn't hear the voices of the task force members or the rustling of papers as they worked behind him. He was too distracted.

Matsuda's voice broke Light out of his trance. He and Light's father must have come back with lunch.

"Here, Light," the clumsy cop said putting down Light's usual meal.

"Thanks," Light muttered, not really in the mood to eat. He expected Matsuda to just go away like he did every other day—what he wanted him to do now—but he didn't. He hesitated for a second before speaking up.

"You know, it's been 23 days…."

Light didn't look at him. "23 days since what?" he asked, knowing full well what Matsuda was talking about. He just didn't want to talk about it.

"Since L collapsed," the other man said.

"And?" Light replied, sighing. He _really_ didn't want to talk about a subject such as L. He didn't want to talk at all.

"Well, it's just that you haven't gone to see him at all. Not since that first night when…. When it happened."

They all had a little trouble talking about that night. It had been frightening, stressful, and a huge blow to them. Not only them as people, but them as a team. Watari had died, Rem had died, and they were sure as hell that L had died too. And in the past 23 days they were sure he was going to. But he didn't. He held on. Light always knew he was a stubborn son of a bitch.

Those sudden and unexpected turn of events had shocked them all. They lost an old man who was nothing but kind-hearted and helpful, and a shinigami who was probably the most important part of the investigation, next to the murderous notebook. And they almost lost their leader, definitely the heart and soul of the investigation team. They almost lost L. Light almost lost L.

Light shrugged, pretending to be indifferent about it. "I just haven't had time to. Not with the Kira investigation and all of L's other cases, too."

Matsuda stayed where he was for another couple of seconds. "Okay…." he said, moving away back to where his work station was.

Even though Light pretended not to care, he did care. A lot. It bothered him to no extent that he hadn't seen L in almost a month. Every time he thought about the detective—which was almost all the time—it was like someone he punched a hole in his chest. He didn't like it. He didn't like how he reacted towards L, how he thought about him every waking—and sometimes non-waking—moment, how he hadn't seen or heard the detective in 23 days.

23 days. Light's mind whirled with that information. L had been in a coma for 23 days. There hadn't been any change in his condition, good or bad. Only his temperature had gone up a few points from when they took him to the hospital until now. From what he gathered from the others, of course. As Matsuda just reminded him, he couldn't bear to go anywhere near the man.

As he reflected upon the past few weeks, Light also found himself thinking back on that _particular_ night. The night L had collapsed.

*~*~*~*

_Light wandered the halls of the headquarters, not really knowing where he was headed. He had just come back from the hospital. The others had all gone home. His father tried to persuade him to come home, too, but after about 10 minutes of arguing, Soichiro finally decided that Light was old enough to be on his own._

_So Light wandered the halls of the building by himself, the scenes of the night flashing through his mind._

_Him and L out in the rain, on the stairs, the two of them kissing. Holding L in his arms while he had a heart attack, the ride to the hospital, waiting for his father to come back. Learning L was alive—in a coma, but alive. Going in to see him, kissing him again, and then the ride back to headquarters._

_Of all that, only two scenes from the night stuck out in his mind. In the hospital, where he was bent over L, gently kissing the detective after proclaiming his 'maybe love'. Then him and said detective on the stairs. L had been massaging his feet and Light had dried off L's hair. L leaned up to him and kissed him full on the mouth. And Light had kissed back. The kiss had started to get more heated and then L's cell phone rang. The kiss was broken, the moment ruined. But Light had enjoyed it. He wanted to kiss the detective again._

_Before he knew where he was headed, Light had opened the door to his and L's joint room and stepped inside. It was the same way that it had been when he spent his last night in there. The only differences were that there were none of his spare clothes that he had always kept in the room were there any longer—they were now in his own room in the building—and L wasn't there._

_He had never been in this room without the black-haired man before. It felt lonely, isolated._

_He walked toward the only bed—the bed they had shared—in the room and to L's side of it. He slowly lay down on it, feeling like he was invading L's private space, even though he knew L hadn't been in here since they had been separated, either. Even with that knowledge, he felt like he could hear L yelling at him to get on his own side. Light laughed a little at the sound of L's voice in his head._

_The teen laid his head on L's pillow and took a deep breath. It smelled like L, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling as the sweet yet masculine scent reached his nose. He had caught wisps of L's natural perfume on occasions and had known that the detective smelled good, but he had never had the full dose of the pheromone. Light loved that scent._

_As he thought about L, a pain was wriggling its way deep into his chest like a parasite into its host's skin. The more he thought about the detective the more the parasite ate away at his chest, leaving a hole in its wake._

_Light finally couldn't take it anymore. The hole that had started out as a pin prick had now turned into a gaping abyss. It was starting to hurt not only emotionally, but physically as well._

_Curling up in a ball, hoping to quell some of the pain, his eyes began to water. He knew this wasn't how Kira would—how Kira _should_ act—but he couldn't help it. His chest just hurt so badly. It felt like he was having a heart attack of his own. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he missed L. He wanted to see him again, to hear him talking._

_When his defensive position against himself didn't do much, he just decided to let himself go. No one was here so they wouldn't know anyway. Besides, it would be the only time he would allow himself to cry over the detective. Over anything._

_Turning his head into L's sweet smelling pillow, gripping it tightly, he let out a muffled sob. The action rocked his chest, seemingly setting it on fire, but somehow helping it, too. He let out another sob and another before he was full out crying. His eyes shed tears for the first time in years and they stung his eyes. But he didn't care. He just wanted the pain he felt over L out._

_He stayed in that room, on L's side of the bed, crying into the detective's pillows, all night._

*~*~*~*

A shrill ring that echoed throughout the room snapped Light back from his memories. He looked over his shoulder and saw Aizawa going to the phone and taking it out of the room. It was only when he turned that he noticed that the pain from his thoughts had manifested itself in the real world.

He gripped the chair arms and turned back to the screen, forcing himself to read each individual word, to comprehend them, but he was again distracted as Aizawa almost breaking down the doors in his rush to come back in.

Everyone turned to look at him, even Light, who tried his best to ignore the searing it sent through his torso. Aizawa's eyes were wide with what can only be described as excitement, bewilderment, and urgency.

"What is it?" Soichiro asked, getting up from his seat behind the table they had set up in the middle of the room—the table L would have definitely killed them for if they put it up with him around.

"It's L," Aizawa said.

At this, everyone got up.

"What's wrong?" Soichiro asked.

"Is he okay?" Matsuda added.

Mogi just stood there looking somewhat anxious, not one to be dramatic.

Light slowly got out of his chair. He knew no matter what the news they would all be going to the hospital. Even him.

"He's, well I don't know if he's fine," Aizawa said, trying to explain. "The hospital just said that he was awake."

"Awake!" Matsuda exclaimed, excitement shining in his eyes.

"That's great!" Soichiro added.

Aizawa nodded. "He wasn't awake for too long, his stamina is really shot. But they said we should probably go down, anyway. He might wake up again soon."

Everyone nodded and grabbed their coats. They headed for the door in a hurry, but Light went at his normal pace.

He was unsure about this situation. He was thrilled that L was awake. The hole in his chest had eased a considerable amount, but it was still there. On the other hand, Kira's hand, this was a horrible turn of events. His enemy was back in the picture, and to add insult to injury, Light wasn't even sure he _wanted_ L to be his enemy anymore.

With his conflicting emotions hidden, he followed the task force out of headquarters and sat in silence during the ride to the hospital, unsure of what he was going to do.

*~*~*~*

_I'm here without you, Baby_

_But you're still with me_

_In my dreams_

_And tonight_

_It's only you and me_

*~*~*~*

Song:

Here Without You

Artist:

3 Doors Down


	5. Chapter 5

_Wake me up inside_

_Wake me up inside_

_Call my name_

_And save me from the dark_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Five**

Walking toward L's hospital room in the ICU the task force could see L's private doctor, Dr. Leigh Keiser, and two nurses standing outside the door to the detective's room. They were talking about a chart in the doctor's hands, most likely L's. As usual, the sounds of the machines in the wing sounded through the halls and L's shades were drawn, preventing anyone looking in and seeing his face.

One of the nurses heard their approach and looked up, said something to Dr. Keiser, and she and the other nurse went in the opposite direction to leave them alone.

The task force reached L's room and his doctor nodded to them in greeting. Light could feel everyone's tension, wanting to see L and hear his condition.

"As I said over the phone," Dr. Keiser said, "Ryuzaki woke up about five minutes ago. However, because of his much decreased stamina, he was only conscious long enough for us to perform some of the necessary tests. He's asleep now, but if you would like, you may go in to see him."

Soichiro nodded and glanced at the others with him, who were also nodding.

Dr. Keiser stepped toward the door and opened it, stepping through. The others followed him, Light being the last one to enter the room.

L was still hooked up to many of the machines, except the one monitoring his brain activity was gone. He was still sweating slightly from the fever he still had. His face was still in the agonized look it was that first day. Not much had changed.

"When he woke up," Dr. Keiser was saying, walking over to L's IV drip, "he was complaining of severe pain and headaches. We were going to do a CT scan, but he passed out again and we didn't feel comfortable administrating such a test in his unstable condition." He then

"Is pain a normal after affect for coma patients?" Aizawa asked.

"Muscle pain sometimes presents from lack of not moving for so long," the doctor said, injecting the IV with a something in a syringe from the drawer by L's bed. "But from how he explained it, it was more that that. Like a burning throughout his entire body." He finished pushing the extra liquid into the drip and pulled the needle out.

"Are those painkillers?" Matsuda asked.

"Yes," Leigh replied again. He threw the needle into a biohazard bin and quickly looked over L's vitals. "It's a very strong pain killer."

"I thought that coma patients rarely come out of it competently and responsively," Light commented.

Dr. Keiser looked over at him and smiled. "Very good," he said, laughing a little. "They usually don't. And Ryuzaki wasn't at first. He was very confused and with the pain hardly competent. But, then again, he's not a normal person, is he? His elevated brain activity throughout it was unusual, too, so we figured when he did come out of it that he would recover much faster and better than the average person."

"So will he remember the night it happened?" Aizawa asked. He looked unsure.

"It's not really safe to give a definite answer," Dr. Keiser responded again. He was done looking at the machines and was now facing them completely. "Some people do, some don't. Some recover just fine, others; it takes weeks, sometimes months, just to relearn basic skills. However, again, he is not average, and his coma was very unique as well. If I had to wager a guess, I'd say that yes, he will be able to remember that night and he will be fine physically and mentally."

Everyone looked relieved, and even Light had to admit even he was a little. The only thing that worried his was what was to happen now. Now that L was alive, his role as Kira was going to get a whole lot more difficult.

"I'll leave you alone with him," Leigh said, heading toward the door. "If he starts to wake up again or looks like it, just grab a nurse in the hall." with a final quick glance back at the detective's stats, he left the room, leaving the task force with an unconscious L.

Said detective looked like a knife was being driven into his abdomen. The muscles in his arms and shoulders were tense and he looked uncomfortable. No one spoke, unsure how to handle the sight and the recent news on his condition.

Matsuda was the first one to break the silence. "Why do you think he's not dead?" he asked.

"Maybe Rem didn't have enough time to write his full name down," Mogi suggested.

Aizawa nodded. "Maybe not putting the full name down causes a coma?"

"For twenty three days," Soichiro replied. "The amount of time the death note can control someone."

There was a brief moment of silence while everyone mulled over possibilities why the detective was still breathing. Doing it painfully, but still breathing nonetheless.

Matsuda was again the first to break the somewhat awkward quietness. "Do you think he's really going to remember about Watari and that night?" he asked.

Soichiro sighed. "There's no way of knowing until he wakes up again."

"It's sad he couldn't be at the funeral," Aizawa commented. He wasn't particularly fond of L, but it was sad that anyone couldn't attend the funeral of a loved one. "Watari must've been like a father to him."

Matsuda turned a confused gaze on Aizawa. "What?"

"Watari's real name was Quillish Wammy," Soichiro explained. "He was a famous inventor who founded an orphanage called Wammy's House," he went on. "It raises child geniuses and they specialize in one area then go out into the world. They almost always become very famous in their chosen fields. Ryuzaki was probably raised there."

Matsuda looked sadly at the detective lying in the hospital bed. "I couldn't imagine not have parents…."

Soichiro nodded in agreement. "Watari must've been the closest thing to a father that Ryuzaki's had."

"It's going to be hard on him," Matsuda commented.

Everyone nodded in agreement. Light listened to the conversation quietly. He had read Watari's obituary in the paper, only it had his real name of Quillish Wammy. He had searched the name and found out about Wammy's House. He put it together immediately—L was an orphan and had grown up there. That's how he had met Watari and no doubt became a detective when he was very young.

Memories of the old man's funeral popped into Light's mind. It had only been a few weeks before, but it felt so long ago. Even so, Light could still remember that day oh, so clearly.

*~*~*~*

_They were all in their black dress suits, staring at the black casket about to be lowered into the ground. It was covered in flowers from his family and friends, who were also there. It seemed strange, with him only being around L. It was off to have so many other people there that knew and loved Watari—Quillish Wammy to them. Apparently, none of them knew that he _was_ Watari._

_It had surprised the task force when his family had insisted to bury Watari right there in Japan. Apparently, Japan was Watari's favourite country and had always wished to be buried there. It was almost ironic._

_Light wasn't paying any attention to the preacher as he read a passage from the bible. His mind was elsewhere. His thoughts were with the black-haired man lying in a hospital bed about five miles away._

_Light had no idea why he kept thinking about the detective. All he knew was that he did, and he was. Almost all the time. He couldn't get L out of his god damned head. He hated it. He loathed always thinking about L. how the slightest thing would trigger a memory of him. But most of all, Light hater how every memory brought about a searing pain in his chest._

_It reminded him of the night L had collapsed. After coming home from the hospital and going to their once joint bedroom and crying all through the night. Every memory drudged up the feelings of that night and they made Light want to carve open his chest and tear out his aching, burning heart._

_His thoughts were interrupted by a hand gently brushing against his arm and he realized it was his father. He quickly looked around and saw everyone's head was bowed in prayer—everyone's but his._

_Quickly lowering his head, Light tried his hardest to push the painful pit out of his chest cavity, to no avail. He couldn't think with this kind of pain. Physical pain he could handle. Emotional pain was a whole other story for him._

_The preacher ended the prayer with an 'amen', which everybody repeated. The preacher closed his bible and walked over to Watari's family and friends to tell them how sorry he was for their loss._

_The task force quickly did the same then they slipped out of the cemetery. Light knew they would've stayed a little longer—an idea he wasn't too fond of—but they still had the Kira case to work on. The whole way back to the car Light thought about L, just like he always did. Except now he thought about how the true impact of Watari's death would affect him when—if—he woke up._

*~*~*~*

A movement caught Light's diverted attention and snapped him back from memory lane. It was L's hand, twitching slightly over the bed covers at his side where it lay limply. L then turned his head slightly away from them, a wince crossing his already pained features. A low groan came from the detective's closed lips.

Everyone held their breath, waiting for anymore movement. L then clenched both his hands into fists and turned his head back to its original position of staring up at the ceiling. He eye lids flickered, and at this, Aizawa turned and exited the room to get someone.

It seemed like hours ticked by while the rest of the task force waited for Aizawa to get back. They waited tensely, looking for any slight indication that their leader would awake. After a few anxious moments, Aizawa and Dr. Keiser entered the room. Dr. Keiser went straight over to L while Aizawa hung back with the rest of the task force to wait.

Quickly checking over L's vitals Leigh turned back to the anxious men. "He should wake soon," he informed them. At the relieved yet still tense expressions on their faces, he went on. "But you should know, should he wake up, to not stay too long. The _last_ thing he needs right now is to be stressed and overwhelmed. Also, he may not wake up again this early. He may just be having a dream." Looking them all in the eyes to make sure they understood, he left the room once more to let them be alone with L.

Light didn't know why, but he felt a sudden flash of dislike for the doctor. Yes, he was telling them the truth, but how _dare_ he say that his L wasn't going to wake up? Yes, he had said that he would eventually, but maybe not right now. Light hated that thought. After not seeing the detective for a month, Light wanted desperately to see L's eyes open and give him some crack about being Kira. Usually that would be enough to piss Light off to no end, but now he would openly welcome L's accusations. He just wanted his L back. The man sleeping in the bed was L, yes. But not _his_ L.

Light noticed L's eye lids flickering again and his hands loosen then tighten back up on the sheets. The next thing L did made the task force hold their breath and Light's heart to jump into his throat.

Slowly, ever so slowly, L's eyes began to open.

Light was sure that if the task force hadn't been there he would've jumped for joy and run over to the detective to encourage him to open those beautiful dark eyes all the way. Maybe even kiss L full on the lips. Maybe.

Forcing himself to stay rooted to his spot, Light watched as L opened his eyes agonizingly slowly. Light was almost ready to go over there and pull the black-haired man's eye lids open all the way by himself. Almost.

Just as Light was ready to mentally rejoice, his heart sank down to his feet.

L's eyes only made it halfway open, not focusing on anything, before he let out another low groan and passed out again.

Light almost ran to the detective's side. He almost took said man's hand in his; try to coax him into opening those astounding orbs again, this time all the way. He almost started crying when he realized that he would have to wait even longer before he could see those eyes, hear the detective's voice, or even feel L's skin against his. He almost let those tears show…. Almost.

*~*~*~*

_Wake me up inside_

_Wake me up inside_

_Call my name_

_And save me from the dark_

*~*~*~*

Song:

Bring Me to Life

Artist:

Evanescence

Author's Note:

Just for reference, but the overall meaning of the song doesn't really have anything to do with this chapter, really. It's just the chorus, about L "waking up" and "Bringing him back to life". I guess there could also kind of be a reference to Light in there, too, with him being so "dead" and stuff without L, and now that he's waking up, so is Light. I guess. Anyway.

Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks to my lovely reviewers. I love you guys! =)


	6. Chapter 6

_Time can never mend_

_The careless whispers_

_Of a good friend_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Six**

Mogi went out into the hall to grab a nurse while the rest of the task force waited in the room. A collective releasing of breath sounded through the quiet room as they all let go of the air they were unaware they were holding. It was a few tense moments before the nurse came in, followed by Mogi.

The blonde woman quickly ran over L's monitors, staying a little longer at his heart, before turning back to them. She offered them a sympathetic smile before speaking. "He's very exhausted. I know that sounds strange because he's been sleeping the past month, but getting his body to wake up again is very strenuous. It may take him a few hours to try again. And it may even be a few days before he can fully wake up for even a few hours at a time." She went over to the nurse's cart and grabbed a syringe. She then stuck it in a vial and walked back over to the detective's IV and injected it into the tube.

"Is that more painkillers?" Matsuda asked, slightly stunned.

The nurse turned and smiled at him. "No. Although more probably wouldn't hurt him." She threw the needle into the biohazard bin. "It's a stimulating drug. It will help him wake up sooner."

At the slightly hopeful looks on the men's faces, she quickly continued.

"It will still take a while to take effect," she explained. "But it will help." Offering them a quick smile, she slipped out the door again.

After a few moments of sad silence, Soichiro spoke.

"We should get back to work," he said, slightly reluctant. "But one of us should stay here with Ryuzaki."

"Light should stay," Matsuda immediately offered up. "He's been working non-stop. He should take a break."

"Matsuda!" Aizawa snapped.

"It's no problem," Light said. "I could use a break. I'll call if he wakes up again."

Everyone nodded and went out into the hallway. They said quick good-byes to Light and, after giving L quick glances, they left. Everyone but Soichiro.

Looking at his son, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Light was taken aback. "Yeah." He furrowed his eyebrows. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem kind of down," Soichiro commented. "Distracted…." He let the sentence hang in the air.

"I just want to catch Kira," Light dodged. He _was_ feeling down. And distracted. Because of L. He couldn't stop thinking about him. He wanted him back. "He almost made me lose my friend."

There was a suddenly tense pause. Soichiro looked away from his son into the open door of the room. The stared at L for a second.

"Are you sure that he's just a friend, Light?" he asked quietly, not taking his eyes off the detective.

Light's eyes widened. Was it that obvious to everyone but himself how he felt about L? His heartbeat increased. He didn't want anyone knowing that he may or may not have feelings for the detective. Least of all his _father._

He had overheard things his dad had said about homosexuals. He didn't _hate_ them, but he didn't really like them, either…. Light knew that he could handle being disowned by his family. They never understood him, anyway. It was just not having anyone. Light didn't like people that much, but he would rather be around people he hated than be alone.

And he knew he would be alone. If his father disowned him, he would lose his family, he didn't have any friends—he hung out with some people sometimes, sure, but they weren't really _friends_—and he knew that the one person he would want to be with wouldn't want him. L wouldn't want him. There was no way L could be gay. In fact, Light had the sneaking suspicion the detective was asexual.

By the time all this had run through the teen's mind, a few seconds had passed. "What are you talking about?" he tried to counter. But he knew it was too late. He had taken too long to respond.

Soichiro glanced at Light before looking back at L. "I saw you," was all he said.

"Saw _what?_" Light asked, becoming slightly frantic. He really couldn't do this right now. He was too tired, too stressed, and too worked up about L. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw you," his father repeated. "Twenty-three days ago."

Light's heart sank through the soles of his feet and onto the floor, leaving a gaping abyss where it had been.

"I came to get you," Soichiro continued, oblivious to his son's emotions at the moment. "You kissed him…. You told him 'I think I love you'." Soichiro now looked back to Light.

Light, however couldn't handle his father's gaze at the moment. He looked away to the first spot he could think of, which unfortunately, was the subject of their current conversation. He couldn't help but think of what a laugh L would be getting out of this if he was awake to hear it.

"And a few minutes ago," Soichiro still continued, obviously not going to take pity on Light, "when he was starting to wake up, you never once took your eyes off him." He sighed then, placing his hand on his son's shoulder. "I was upset at first. But I've thought about it for a while. You're different when you're around him. Happier…. You show more emotion around him. He gets under your skin. He brought life into you, Light. I thought that it was there before, but after seeing the two of you…. Looking back, I can see that you were never happy. You were always in your room by yourself, you never had friend over or went over to others houses, you never went out with people on the weekends…." Soichiro took a breath at the end of his speech. "After realizing those things…." He paused for a second. "I want you to know that I'm okay with it."

Light had listened through the whole thing. He knew his father was right. L did get to him, He was happy around him, and he never spared to show L how he felt—well, except how he felt for said man. But Light still wasn't about to admit it. "Okay with what?" he asked, feigning ignorance.

"You being gay," Soichiro said, not sugar-coating it a bit.

Light wanted to flinch at the directness of the words. He shook his father's hand off of his shoulder. "I'm not gay," he snapped, looking back at him.

"Light, you don't need to worry. I'm not going to disown you," his father said, like he had read Light's fears. "I can see that you like Ryuzaki more than a friend. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But I just want you to know that I'm okay with it."

Soichiro turned away and started walking down the hall. He got a few steps away then turned back around.

"By the way," he said. "I think that you two would be an amazing couple." With that, he turned back around and left Light alone in the hall.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Light slowly turned back to the open door and went into L's room. He pulled up a chair next to the detective's bed and sat down. He stared at him, taking in every feature.

His pale skin, unmarked from what Light could see. His black, messy as usual hair, which set off his skin perfectly. His long eyelashes against his high cheekbones. His strong, defined jaw, which perfectly matched with his strong neck and collar bones.

Light glanced up at L's heart monitor. It let out a low _beep_ in tune with L's heartbeats. That was enough to tell Light that L was in fact alive, but he needed more than a simple machine to tell him that.

Slowly raising his hand, which was shaking slightly, Light slipped it under L's covers and placed it against the detective's chest. He felt L's heart beat, strong and steady, while Light's own started to beat erratically in his own chest. Light felt a sudden contentment as his hand rested there. The feeling of L's smooth skin and strong heart soothed him. Light took a deep, shaky breath. The only thing that still unsettled him was the fever that he could still feel in L's pale skin.

As he let his hand lay there, Light thought about his latest conversation with his father.

"_You being gay."_

As those words rang through his head, Light sucked in a sharp breath. He yanked his hand off L's chest and back from under the sheet covering the detective's body.

'_I'm not gay,'_ Light thought to himself. _'I'm not gay.'_

Light glanced at the black-haired detective again. His heart fluttered a little at the memory of his hand on L's skin.

'_Who are you trying to convince?'_ Light contradicted himself. _'You just put your hand on his chest to feel his heart. You can't stop thinking about him. You would stare at him all the time when you were handcuffed together.'_

Light swallowed hard. He didn't want to believe what his own conscious was telling him.

'_You're not gay!'_ another voice screamed at him. _'You're not! Light Yagami cannot be gay!'_

'_Yes, you are!'_ the first voice yelled back. _'You know you are! Denial is pointless. You know that it's true.'_

'_No, it's not! You are not gay! There's no way in hell you can be!'_

'_Stop trying to deny it! You know you are, and you know that you love L!'_

'_No, you don't! You're Kira, god damn it! Kira loves no one! Besides, how could you even think about loving L? He's your enemy! The only one who stands in your way of being the God of your perfect world! You must get rid of him!'_

'_You do love him! You know it to be true! And you may have been Kira once, but now look at you! Kira would have never fallen for his so-called enemy! You know you can't get rid of him! You know it would cause you endless amounts of pain! What kind of ruler would you be then?'_

Light suddenly had the feeling he was in one of those stupid cartoons he'd seen when he was a kid. The ones where one of the characters would have an angel and devil suddenly appear on their shoulders and the two would argue over who was right and what the character should do.

The only problem was, Light didn't know which voice was the angel and which the devil.

'_I can't be gay, can I?'_ Light thought to himself, feeling grateful it was his own voice, not one of the two arguing cartoons.

As he gazed at L and his beautiful features, Light couldn't help but think, _'Maybe I am….'_

*~*~*~*

_Time can never mend_

_The careless whispers_

_Of a good friend_

*~*~*~*

Song:

Careless Whisper

Artist(s)

~Wham! (Original)

~Seether (Cover)


	7. Chapter 7

_Feels like everyday stays the same  
It's dragging me down_

_And I can't pull away_

So here I go again  
Chasing you down again  
Why do I do this?

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Seven**

Light didn't remember falling asleep, or even closing his eyes. But he must've, because he was opening his eyes groggily, trying to get used to the bright light. When he finally did and opened his eyes all the way, the first thing he noticed was a nurse's cart a little ways away from him. Then the steady beeping of some annoying machine nearby, the hurting stiffness of his back. Then the feeling of a body beneath his, rising and falling with steady breaths, the creepy feeling that he was being watched by someone.

Turning his head slowly, but not picking it up, Light locked eyes with wide, midnight orbs. Gasping, his head snapped up, causing his neck to hurt painfully. He put it down again with his eyes closed, whimpering slightly at the pulled muscle. But he ignored it for now.

"Why are you so close to me?" he asked L. It took a few seconds to register in his still slightly tired, shocked brain that L was awake.

_L was awake._

Opening his eyes slowly again, Light looked up at the detective. He couldn't believe what he saw.

L's eyes were wide open, alert, perceptive, and looking straight back at him. As usual, they didn't betray very many emotions. Just slight amusement at Light's current situation.

"Light-kun is the one close to me," L responded.

Light stopped from jumping and screaming like a little girl when it hit him L was finally _awake_ long enough to be confused by the detective's words. Dread suddenly filled Light's chest and spread throughout the rest of his body before he looked down.

He was spread over L's body—L's _half naked_ body, he might add, as the sheet that usually covered the black-haired man had slipped off. Light could see scars covering L's torso and he wanted to ask what they were from, but in his current situation, he didn't have time to pay much attention to that.

His head had been laying comfortably on L's stomach, his right arm currently flung clear over him and his hand lying on the other side of him. It was when he mentally found his _left_ hand that he truly started to freak, his eyes widening slightly. Lifting his head as much as he could without sending a spasm of pain down his spine and turning it, Light stared wide-eyes at where his hand had wandered during his sleep.

Lying there, right over L's groin, was Light's hand.

Heart beating erratically, face and neck flushing a brilliant red; Light yanked his hand away quickly. As he did so, his fingers brushed against L's member, making him blush harder.

"Sorry," he said hurriedly, scrambling to get upright in his chair. In his haste, he almost fell out of it completely.

"Why so bashful, Light-kun?" L asked.

Light swore he heard a smirk in the detective's voice. But he couldn't look up at him. He was pretending to straighten his clothes. "I'm not," he growled, not in the mood for L's antics.

"No need to get defensive," the detective said slightly smugly in Light's opinion. Then again, he couldn't really judge. His mind wasn't exactly working properly right now.

"I'm going to get the doctor," Light muttered, getting ready to stand up.

"Light-kun is avoiding me. Does he feel guilty for trying to kill me?" L wondered aloud.

"What are you talking about?" Light snapped, finally looking up at L.

"Light-kun is Kira," L responded, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. "You killed Watari and you tried to kill me." L looked away from Light to the ceiling, putting his thumb on his lips. "I wonder why…." L trailed off, not finishing his thought.

Light sighed. He had missed L to no end, but he definitely didn't miss _this._ "I'm not Kira," he repeated for what had to be the millionth time. Before L could counter, which Light knew he was going to do, he continued. "And I'm sorry about Watari. You two must've been close."

L's thoughtful expression turned subtly blank. "Yes. We were close. I will deeply mourn his loss." He looked back to Light, his eyes still emotionless. "But Light-kun is diverting again."

Light's eyes widened. "How can you be so heartless?" he asked. "Unemotional? Cold? You don't seem to really care! The only person you've come in contact with for who knows how long died! How can you not care?"

"I already said I will mourn his loss," L said, eyes narrowing. He obviously didn't have much experience in the feelings category. Even for Watari. "I choose not to show my emotions," he continued. "It shows weakness. I deal with pain by doing work. It distracts me."

"But what about when you're done?" Light challenged. "You won't be distracted and the pain will just hit you sevenfold!"

L's eyes narrowed further. "Why is Light-kun so worried about my pain?" he asked suspiciously.

Light looked down to his hands. He couldn't think of a reason. All he knew was that he was worried about L. Then his conversation with his father replayed in his head.

"_I saw you. Twenty-three days ago. I came to get you. You kissed him…. You told him 'I think I love you'."_

"…_.when he was starting to wake up, you never once took your eyes off him."_

"_You're different when you're around him. Happier…. You show more emotion around him. He gets under your skin. He brought life into you, Light. I thought that it was there before, but after seeing the two of you…."_

"_You being gay."_

"_I can see that you like Ryuzaki more than a friend."_

"_I think that you two would be an amazing couple."_

"I don't know," Light answered L, only being half-true.

There was a sudden silence enveloping the room. It was slightly tense, and neither one of them looked at the other. It lasted for a few minutes before Light broke it.

"I'm going to go get the doctor," he said, standing up. This time L didn't try to stop him.

Light leaned on the wall out in the hallway, out of sight from L. He banged his head on the wall behind him and clenched his eyes shut. Tears threatened to escape his eyes and he was too confused and emotionally spent to try to hold them back. With the hot, salty water coming from his eyes, Light took a deep breath to try to calm himself.

'_What's wrong with me?'_ he wondered.

*~*~*~*

_Over and over  
Over and over I fall for you  
Over and over  
Over and over I try not to_

Over and over  
Over and over you make me fall for you  
Over and over  
Over and over you don't even try

*~*~*~*

Song:

Over and Over

Artist:

Three Days Grace

*~*~*~*

Special thanks to Vietta for suggesting the song.


	8. Chapter 8

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Eight**

Dr. Keiser walked out of the room and looked at the task force. He had just finished checking over L. "He seems mentally fine," he started. "He has all of his memory and his reflexes are better than a cat. Only his stamina is a little shaky. It will take a little while to build that back up. He's going to need a lot of rest."

The task force exchanged slightly amused smiles at that thought. Trying to get L to go to sleep was sure going to be quite a trip. Dr Keiser noticed this and smiled too. He knew how L was when it came to rest.

"He can be checked out in a week," Leigh continued. "He'll go stir crazy shut up in there. I'll come by now and again to make sure he's doing, seeing as how there's no way to get him to come back here without the aid of heavy tranquilizers."

The task force couldn't help but let out a few snickers. That was one journey none of them really felt like embarking on. They would definitely loose a limb for even suggesting going back to the hospital to L.

Dr. Keiser looked quickly at the chart in his hands before looking at them again. "He still has a bad fever and is still in a lot of pain. So knowing him, you might not want to get on his nerves too much, if you like the way your faces are currently arranged. I'll try running a few blood tests to see if I can find the source of the problem, but other than that, he should be completely fine."

Soichiro nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Keiser. Can we go in to see him?"

"For a little while," Dr. Keiser said. "He can't be too stressed."

"Thank you," Soichiro said again.

Dr. Keiser nodded and walked off down the hallway, leaving the task force to go in and see L.

Said detective had his legs pulled up, his thumb on his bottom lip. Obviously, near-death experiences didn't break bad habits. He was leaning back against the pillows, which were upright. The sheet was covering his chest again, which Light found he was grateful for. The distant, slightly glazed look in his eyes told everyone that he was zoning out. When the door opened and the task force came in, he looked over, not any more interested than he normally would be.

Everyone hesitated for a second before entering, Matsuda shutting the door behind him. The air was awkward, uncertain. Soichiro broke the silence first.

"It's good to see you, Ryuzaki," he said, obviously uncomfortable. Though no one knew exactly why they all felt that way.

L just nodded slightly in their direction. "You, too," he said his voice the normal monotone that he used.

The task force shifted uncomfortably under L's intent gaze. Yagami cleared his throat before trying again.

"We're very sorry about Watari…."

L just nodded again. "Yes, me too."

There was an extremely awkward silence. The air was thick with it. It was getting to be suffocating.

"We heard that you could be out in a week," Matsuda commented, trying to defuse the current situation.

"Not soon enough," L replied, not really interested. He obviously didn't want company right now. But the task force didn't know how to leave without being rude.

"At least you can catch up on your rest," Matsuda said, trying one more time.

"Can't wait," L said, slight sarcasm biting through his tone.

Silence once again descended on the group. None of them had known what to expect, but this hadn't been at the top of the list.

"There's nothing new on the case," Soichiro commented finally. He knew that L shouldn't be worrying about things like that right now, but it wouldn't hurt to just brief him on the case a little. "Kira is still killing."

"I didn't think anything would change," L replied. "It would've signaled to everyone a subtle change in their situation. They wouldn't have wanted to draw attention to themselves like that."

"Why not?" Mogi questioned, surprising everyone. Mogi wasn't usually one to talk.

"It would've draw attention to certain people whose situations at the time changed dramatically," L explained. "It would've been a lot easier to pinpoint suspects, and thus a lot easier to catch Kira."

"I never thought about it that way," Matsuda commented.

L only nodded slightly in acknowledgement of Matsuda's words. "They would try to make the change gradual. That way it would be less noticeable."

"That makes sense," reasoned Aizawa.

"But if he still thinks that L is dead," Matsuda said, "then we should start seeing a change in his killing pattern, shouldn't we?"

"Yes," L answered.

"It makes sense," Soichiro said. "If he thinks L is out of the way, then he would want to make a bold statement soon to show nothing is in his way."

Everyone nodded in agreement with Soichiro's reasoning.

L wasn't looking at them anymore when he replied. "Unfortunately, we can't do much more until Kira makes a move first." His tone was dismissive.

Yet another awkward silence enveloped the group. L was staring just behind them, seemingly zoned out again, but his eyes were focused on something, not distant like before. Matsuda was looking at the floor, Shuffling his feet a little. Mogi and Aizawa's eyes darted around the room. Light just stood there, stealing glances at L. Soichiro cleared his throat, breaking the silence that was heavy in the air.

"Well, we should probably get back to HQ," he said. "See if we can start spotting any new patterns with Kira's killings."

L nodded in agreement, though he was still zoned out. "Yes," he simply replied.

After another quick pause the task force slipped out the door.

Light lagged behind the rest of them, staying in L's room a little longer to glance back at the detective. His eyes were still miles away, fixed on the wall where they were before. Disappointment shot through Light's heart. Part of him had hoped that L would be looking at him.

'_Stop being like a school girl with a crush,'_ Light scolded himself.

'_But you do have a crush on him,'_ one of the voices from before piped up.

'_No, you don't. You're Kira. Kira doesn't have crushes. Kira doesn't love anybody.'_

Light mentally groaned. _'Not again,'_ he thought angrily. Those must have been the magic words because the two arguing voices in his head stopped.

Light was pulled out of his slight daze by someone grabbing his arm. He snapped his head up—he didn't realize he had been watching his feet—and saw his father there. Soichiro pulled him to the side of the hall and looked him straight in the eye.

"You should stay with Ryuzaki," he said, not letting go of Light's arm. Apparently, he knew his son well enough to keep a hold of him to prevent him from bolting.

Light just narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Why me?" he questioned. "Why not Matsuda or Mogi?"

"You're tired, overworked, and need a break," Soichiro replied evenly. "I'm worried about your health."

Light pulled his arm away. "That's not why and you know it," he said through gritted teeth.

Soichiro didn't waste any time in denying it. "You're right. I want you to talk to Ryuzaki."

"I'll have plenty of time for that when he gets out of the hospital," Light countered.

"You'll keep putting it off," Soichiro contradicted. He knew Light better than his son thought. "You'll keep finding excuses not to." Soichiro sighed and put his hand on Light's shoulder, making Light look him straight in the eye. "I don't want you to miss your chance to be happy. And that only seems to be when you're around him."

Light didn't want to deal with this right now. He didn't want to deal with anything right now. He was too emotional, not thinking straight. He just wanted to curl under his covers and sleep until he was stably thinking again. He opened his mouth to say something, to get him out of it, but before he could think of anything Soichiro cut him off.

"Don't argue," he said before Light could dodge. "You may be denying it to yourself, you may be in denial about it, but you're happy with him. See where he stands on the topic, and let him know where you stand, too. You'll regret it one day if you don't talk to him. I don't want you to go through that."

Light was slightly surprised—and he had to admit, a little touched—by what his father said. Before Soichiro spoke again.

"I'm not letting you come back to headquarters," he said, his tone firm. "Or home until you do."

*~*~*~*

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take_

*~*~*~*

Song:

Love Don't Come Easy

Artist:

Phil Collins

*~*~*~*

Author's Note:

Yeah. I'm sorry. Sucky song, right? Not the song itself, but for this chapter. I really do apologize for my lack of associating songs. Of my near 450 song playlist, you think I'd be able to find one song to work for a chapter, right? Nope. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize if my song choices aren't very good. Thanks for putting up with me and my not-so-great songs. =)


	9. Chapter 9

_With Hands held high_

_Into a sky so blue_

_As the ocean opens up_

_To swallow you_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Nine**

Mouth hanging wide open like a fish, Light stared after his father's retreating form down the hall. He couldn't believe what his father said. He wasn't going to let him back to headquarters or even in the house until he talked to Ryuzaki about "how he felt about him". Light blanched at the idea. How was he going to talk to someone he tried to have killed—when said person _knew_ this information—about how he felt about him?

'_How _do _I feel about him?'_ Light wondered to himself. He ran through a quick list in his head to try to help himself come to a conclusion. _'He's brilliant, he's strong, an amazing leader, doesn't let anyone get the better of him, has a nice body, and is really hot….'_ Light stopped as the last couple of thought ran through his mind. What the hell was he thinking? L was his enemy, trying to sentence him to death. He couldn't have feeling for L like that. But he couldn't help it.

Snapping back to his surroundings, Light knew that he had to at least stay in the hospital. He didn't have anywhere else to go anyway. So he was stuck here with L.

The way Light saw it, he had three options.

One, he could just do it. He could spill his guts, cut out his heart and give it to the black-haired man and confess how he felt about him. That he liked him more than a friend, and had for a long time. That he may even love him. Light quickly decided against this path. It would make him look weak and desperate. Besides, L would only accuse him of being Kira again, saying that he was trying to get to L's emotions and play with them to get another chance to kill him.

Two, he could go even to a friend's house then just tell his father that he did speak to L. The only problem was that he didn't have any _friends._ He was sure anyone at his school would let him come over and spend the night, but he just didn't feel like spending an entire night with someone stupid and annoying.

His third and final option was to go in and talk to L, just not about his feelings. His dad wouldn't know, anyway. Light saw this as the best option and decided to go with it. Taking a deep breath, he walked back toward the detective's room and opened the door.

L was lying back on the pillows, his knees still drawn up. His torso was covered—which Light found he was again thankful for—and his eyes were closed. His black hair cascaded around his face, his bangs covering most of his lidded eyes. If it was possible, he looked even paler than before, like he had just seen a ghost. Or he was one. As Light watched, L winced, making his heart ache. He didn't like seeing L like this, in pain, no matter how beautiful he looked.

As the thought of L being beautiful crossed Light's mind he felt an unfamiliar stirring in his chest. He had no idea what came over him, but all of a sudden he wanted to go over to the detective and hug him, to cuddle up to him and tell him that everything would be okay. That he would be out of this miserable place soon and back working on cases. Light hated that feeling, but at the same time loved it. Brushing his current train of thought aside, Light moved toward L's bed.

L's eyes opened as he approached. He turned his head and met Light's eyes without the slightest hesitation. Tension crackled through the air like lightning before a bad storm. It sent Light's heart beating erratically in his chest while L's heart monitor told Light that L was unaffected by the sudden shift. His heartbeat was still strong and steady.

"Why did you do it?" The words escaped Light's lips before he even realized that he had thought them.

L's gaze didn't waver as he answered with a, "Do what, Light-kun?"

"On the stairs," Light found himself saying again. What was it about the detective lately that made Light do things that he secretly wanted to do, but wouldn't even admit to himself of wanting to do? "After coming in from the rain. When we were drying off…." L didn't seem to know what Light was talking about, so Light continued trying to explain. He didn't want to say flat out what had happened. "Before we went to the investigation room. What you did…. Why did you do it?"

"Do what, Light-kun?" L asked again. Light swore that he heard a hint of amusement in the detective's voice.

"You know what," he hissed, getting annoyed.

"I'm afraid that I don't," L said innocently. Well, it would have been innocent had it not been for the small smirk playing on his lips. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"You…." Light couldn't think of an insult. His mind was whirling and he couldn't think straight. So he decided to just bite the bullet and say it. "You kissed me," he whispered, looking at the ground.

"Was that hard to say?" L asked in a slightly mocking tone.

A sudden burst of anger flashed through Light. He snapped his head up and glared at the other man. "Never mind," he snapped. "I don't want to know." L opened his mouth, but Light cut him off before he could speak with a "Forget it."

Silence descended on the two. It was heavy and awkward, seemingly chocking Light. He noticed that silences were becoming common around the detective.

"Why are you here?" L asked suddenly.

His sudden voice made Light jump a little. It took a second for Light to register what L had said and answer. "My dad made me stay," Light explained. "He says that I'm working too much and that I need a break." Light knew he was only telling half the truth, and by the look L gave him, he knew it too. But Light was grateful to the other man that he didn't push for the second half.

"So why didn't you go home?" L asked, seeming genuinely curious. "Why did you stay here?"

Light bit down the words that came to his throat before he could spill out the truth. That he really didn't want to _be_ anywhere else. He wanted to be with L. Shrugging, Light responded, "I don't feel like being coddled by my mother or smothered by my sister."

L held eye contact with him for a second before nodding and looking away. Light knew that L was thinking by the look on his face. But there was something else there, too, something that Light couldn't identify.

Finally noticing that he was still standing, Light pulled a chair up to the bed and sat in it. L still wasn't talking, seemingly lost in thought. Light looked around the room to distract himself from staring at L. That was definitely one thing he didn't want to explain to the detective.

The walls were white, just like any ordinary hospital. On the east side of the room was just a plain wall where the crash cart was. The north side wasn't really different, only the cart was replaced with the door and there was a painting hanging to the left of it. Light didn't know why they put it in there. It wasn't all that much to look at, and if he were a patient here it would probably make him sicker rather than making him feel better.

The south end was where the bed was located, but Light didn't dare glance over. He didn't need to be distracted by L anymore than he already was. The west side was definitely the most interesting, but that wasn't really saying much. There was a window that covered pretty much the whole wall, with curtains on either side that reminded Light of the ones he had seen in hotels when his family went on vacations. He couldn't complain about the view, though. It gave way to the Tokyo skyline, the skyscrapers only black silhouettes against the sky. The sun was just setting, painting the surrounding atmosphere in pastels of bright oranges, yellows, and reds. The parts out of the warm colours' reach were a rich midnight blue. It was breathtaking.

Finally getting the feeling that he was being watched, Light turned around. L was staring at him, an unreadable expression on his face. Light couldn't bring himself to say anything. Apparently, L couldn't either, because he moved his gaze from Light to the scene just outside the window. Light turned back, too. They stayed silent, looking at the masterpiece of nature for a few minutes.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

He said it so quietly Light wasn't sure he was supposed to hear it. But when he turned to look at L and the detective did the same, Light knew that he was. "Yeah," Light agreed, meeting those black orbs, somehow darker than the now darkened sky they were just marveling at. "It is."

Even though they didn't say anything else, they still stared at each other. Light looked into black eyes and L gazed into honey ones. Tension crackled through the air like never before. It was thick and suffocating but somehow at the same time comfortable.

Light was getting lost in L's eyes. All he could see were those brilliant orbs of pitch. As he looked, he could even start to make out the detective's iris pattern. He was sure that if he looked and concentrated hard enough, he could easily draw the detective's eyes perfectly, right down to the proper iris pattern.

Light knew he was lost, now. To the detective's eyes, to L himself. Hopelessly lost. But he couldn't bring himself to care, even if he had tried. Light was definitely lost and he only knew one thing.

He never wanted to be found.

*~*~*~*

_With hands held high_

_Into a sky so blue_

_As the ocean opens up_

_To swallow you_

*~*~*~*

Song:

Hands Held High

Artist:

Linkin Park


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** Hey, guys, can I ask a favour? Will you vote on the poll on my profile? I need you opinions on it for a story I'm working on. Thanks a bunch. =)

**Warning:** This chapter has a fair amount of blood and violence. So if you don't like that kind of thing, feel free to skip this chapter.

*~*~*~*

_I am the one hiding under your bed  
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red_

_I am the one hiding under yours stairs  
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Ten**

Light couldn't see. The blackness surrounding him stretched as far as he could—or couldn't—see. He had no idea where he was, or if he was anywhere to begin with. He moved his hand—he could move, at least—to where he guessed in front of his face would be, but he couldn't even see that.

The next thing he noticed was the cold ache that radiated throughout his body. It was like icy daggers piercing his skin. Shivers ran up his spine and he moved his arms to wrap around himself, but he didn't know if it worked. He couldn't feel anything.

Sensing something behind him suddenly, Light cautiously moved forward. As he did, he heard a foot fall that wasn't from him. Turning his head around as far as he could, Light strained his eyes to adjust to the darkness, to no avail. He still couldn't see anything.

Feeling a greater sense of danger than before, Light whipped his head back around and took a few more steps. The foreign footfalls sounded again, closer this time. Light's heart was sent into a flurry in his chest as yet another chill traveled up his back, this one having nothing to do with the cold, but with the icy breath that was suddenly on the back of his neck.

Light's fight instinct jumping out a twenty story high window, his flight instinct kicked into overdrive, and he moved his legs as fast as he possibly could. His heart about to explode, his breath coming in ragged gasps, Light ran blindly through the darkness. He had no idea where he was going. All he knew was that he wanted to be as far away from the thing behind him as he possibly could be.

All the running, however, obviously didn't help as Light felt something grab his arm. A gasp ravaged his throat as he was tossed to the ground, knocking the air out of him. He was face down on what he now identified as a dirt trail. The reason he knew this was because of the taste of earth in his mouth, as well as the sight of dirt and pebbles stretched out in front of him.

The sight of the dirt….

Sight.

He could see.

Light's eyes darted around and took in the surroundings. He was in the woods. Tall trees stretched up toward the still black sky, their branches bare and more like grabbing hands. Grabbing for him. Just like the hand that had flung him down there in the first place.

Light reached out and grabbed a sharp, dagger-like rock that was nearby and was ready to flip over and face his attacker. Before he could, however, something pounced on his back, knocking the air out of his chest yet again. Something wrapped around his throat, choking off any breath Light was about to suck in.

Dropping his weapon out of shock, Light's hands flew to his neck as his head was pulled back, scratching and grappling with the hands suffocating him. He tried prying the vice-like fingers from his throat but his attacker's grip only tightened.

Light was pulled backwards onto his knees, the hold on his neck never loosening. Light tried gasping uselessly for air, panic fully enveloping his mind. He started to feel light headed, but when a flash of something caught his eye and he turned to look a new wave of adrenaline coursed through his veins.

A sharp silver dagger was being raised in front of him. As it reached the peak of its ark, Light caught a flash of blood red eyes looking maliciously down at him.

A scream ripped through Light's throat as his attacker's grip loosened in time with the dagger coming down. Light was frozen in horror as he watched it arc downward and only a second after it had started it's decent, come to a stop inside his chest.

Searing pain erupted through Light's torso as another scream ravaged his vocal chords. He was forced backwards with the force of the blow, falling into his attacker. Blood poured out of his wound, staining Light's chest he now noticed was bare with sticky crimson. His hands started toward the injury, but were quickly stopped by the psycho's free hand and pulled behind him.

Through the tears in his eyes, Light could see the now blood-soaked weapon being raised again. A loud sob escaped his lips and sent another wave of pain through him. But he hardly noticed it as more sobs escaped him and tears leaked out of his eyes.

He felt another hand on his shoulder, shaking him. Confusion swept through Light's mind for a second, for he knew that neither of his attacker's hands were free. That only meant that there was another one.

Thrashing, Light tried to get away again. But the newcomer just shook harder and the dagger started another path toward him.

The dagger was buried in Light again and he let out yet another shriek as fresh blood flowed from him, running down his body. A fresh wave of crimson leaked from him as the weapon was pulled from him, only to be forced into a new area of flesh. Again, his attacker pulled it quickly out, only to plunge it back into Light, hitting a new spot every time. Light screamed and thrashed in pain and agony, hoping to god that someone would come to his rescue.

But no such help came, and after what seemed like a thousand new stab wounds, the attack became less frenzied. With one last plunge into flesh, the dagger rested for a second before being twisted sharply, ripping Light's surrounding skin sickeningly. Screaming one last time, Light was pushed back onto his stomach on the ground. His blood-soaked form hit the dirt with a thud. Earth, blood, and tears mixed together as Light lay there sobbing, pain racking through his chest with each one.

Feeling someone grab his arm again, Light whimpered for mercy. He was flipped onto his back, leaving a blood stain where he had previously been laying. Prying his eyes open which he hadn't even noticed had closed, Light forced himself to look up at his attacker. Chocking on yet another scream, Light froze in horror.

Staring down at him with eyes that matched the blood covering his victim's body, was Light.

His hair was disheveled, his eyes wild and murderous, a sick smile across his features. His teeth were pointed and his victim's blood was splattered across his face.

Seeming pleased with his work as his victim's obvious terror, he raised the dagger yet again. But this time it wasn't hovering over Light's chest. Instead, it was poised to sink deep into his throat, cutting off any oxygen the teen was breathing. Flashing the weapon downward, the crazed man hit his mark, reveling in the feel of Light's trachea being severed beneath his blade.

Light retched as the dagger sank into his throat. He felt the blood pouring over his neck and stickiness seeping around him. With blackness closing in around him and his killer looking happily on, realization struck Light, as sharp as one of the blows from his murder weapon. It wasn't himself he was looking up at.

It was Kira.

*~*~*~*

_I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?"  
I am the wind blowing through your hair_

_I am the shadow on the moon at night  
Filling your dreams to the brim with fright_

*~*~*~*

Song:

This is Halloween

From:

The Nightmare Before Christmas


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:** Sorry if I got a little carried away with the last chapter with the blood and stabbing and stuff. I was just having so much fun writing it. ^. ^; I need to learn to reign myself in, I know. But it's hard. I don't think that it'll be happening anytime soon. Anyway. I just wanted to make a quick apology to those who I may have made a little uncomfortable.

I would also like to take the time to thank all of you who have reviewed this story as well as those who put it on alert and faves. It really means a lot to me. So I thank you.

Okay. I'm not going to get all sentimental and mushy on you. I'll save that for L and Light. =) So, on with the story.

*~*~*~*

_I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Eleven**

Light's head shot up, his eyes wide with terror. His heart was beating erratically in his chest and he was covered in a layer of sweat. He was panting hard and echoes of the nightmare danced through his mind. As images of the dagger flashed through Light's brain, it sent aches around his torso where he remembered the blade sinking into his flesh, sending rivers of blood pouring down his body.

Light started shaking a little as he remembered the end of his nightmare. Learning that his attacker was he himself. No. It wasn't him. It was Kira.

'_What have I become?'_ he asked himself. _'A murdering, blood-thirsty beast? No. I'm making the world a better place! I couldn't have become such a monster…. Could I have?'_

Feeling eyes on him, Light forced in a few deep gasps of air to calm himself before turning to lock gazes with the other man in the room.

L's eyes were locked with his, the black depths calculating and curious. Light couldn't tear his gaze away from those spectacular orbs no matter how much he wanted to. L was making him feel uncomfortable, but Light also felt incredibly safe and calm with the detective's gaze upon him. Like L was looking over him.

Light knew that sounded ridiculous, but it didn't stop the feeling of warmth and safety wreathing around him, driving out the last dancing images of his nightmare from his mind. Light wanted to be closer to the detective, but he knew it would look weird if he just got up and sat on the edge of L's bed.

Shifting forward in the chair he didn't really remember curling up in, Light leaned toward L a little more. "What?" he asked, finally breaking eye contact with L.

"Are you okay?" the black haired man asked cautiously. It was obvious to Light that this was totally new territory for L. He guessed the older man didn't have any experience in being worried for others. "You were squirming around and screaming. Did you have a nightmare, perhaps?"

"Yeah," Light said, surprising himself. He hadn't consciously said it. He normally would have denied it, but there was something about L that made him talk and act irrationally. "And I don't scream," he added quickly.

"You did scream," L said. "I know a scream when I hear one." Light opened his mouth to counter, but L cut him off. "Do you want to talk about it? It seemed pretty bad."

Light blinked in surprise. Did L really just offer peer counseling to him? "No," he said, even though he really wanted to. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure?" L asked, still pushing. "I know talking about mine sometimes helps me, even if it's to no one in particular."

Light stared at the detective. The great L got nightmares? Was that even possible? "You never sleep," Light pointed out. "And when you do, it's not for very long. What could you know about nightmares?"

It went silent and Light wondered if he had been too harsh. He was about to speak again when L's voice broke the air.

"Two weeks before I went into a coma," L said, almost in a murmur. "I was walking in the dark. I could sense something behind me. I kept walking faster, but it kept up. I could feel it breathing on the back of my neck. I tried to turn around but a dagger stabbed me in the chest and they started choking me. I managed to see it, though. It was a shadowed figure with red eyes and it was covered in blood. It choked me tighter and I tried fighting it, but I couldn't."

L winced then, but Light wasn't sure if it was from the memory of his nightmare or from the pain he physically felt.

Light couldn't breathe. His throat had clenched shut long ago, and his heart beat wild in his chest. Trying to act normal, he choked out a, "Then what?"

"I woke up," L said, glancing over at Light. The teen could feel the older's eyes burning into him, but he couldn't focus his gaze.

His mind whirling, Light swallowed hard.

'_I'm Kira,'_ he thought to himself. _'Kira was in my nightmare. The thing in my nightmare was a monster. That means that Kira is a monster, as well…. That means _I'm_ a monster….'_ Quickly shaking that thought from his head, he looked down at his hands. _'No. I can't be that…. Thing. Kira is a god. What I'm doing is good…. Isn't it?'_

"Is something wrong, Light-kun?"

L's voice startled Light out of his thoughts. Looking up, he responded in what he hoped was a normal tone, "No." Looking back down, he muttered, "Nothing."

*~*~*~*

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Till then I walk alone_

*~*~*~*

Song:

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Artist:

Green Day

*~*~*~*

**Author's Note (yes, another one :P):** I know, this one is kind of short. I apologize for that. But this kind of had to be the cutoff point, 'cause ***SPOILER!!!!(Kinda)*** There's going to be a time jump, and it wouldn't have fit with this chapter. So to make up for it, I will be updating again in a few days instead of waiting for a week. Sound good? =)


	12. Chapter 12

**]]\Author's Note:** Yay for time jumps!!!! Really? No. Not Really. So, this chapter will probably be kind of bad in terms of moving the story forward very much. So consider this one to be kind of a settling into the new time period if you would. I guess. I'm bad with time jumps, as you will soon find out. =/

BUT! To make up for the lack of story progression, how about Light sinking a little further into denial about his obvious livid attraction to L? And what shall help add gallons upon gallons of kerosene to this already raging forest fire, you may ask? How about a half naked L? Yeah. Wipe up your drool now. Half naked L makes up for everything. ;)

Also, my poll is still up, so if you haven't voted on it, please do.

*~*~*~*

_Might be a mistake  
A mistake I'm making  
But what you're giving_

_I am happy to be taking_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Twelve**

Light glanced back at the Task Force when he heard Matsuda drop some flies on the ground. He was quickly picking the scattered papers up, getting annoyed looks from Aizawa and Soichiro. Light always expected this from Aizawa, but it wasn't like his father. But he was quickly getting used to it. They were all on edge, they were all testy, and it was all L's fault.

He had been out of the hospital for a week now, and apart from the "not being in a coma anymore" part, he wasn't doing much better. His fever was still high, he was still in pain, and the fact that he refused to rest didn't make it any better. It was making him uncomfortable, restless, and in turn, snappy and easily annoyed.

No one said anything, though. They all knew that he was in pain, even if he wouldn't admit it. They had tried sneaking him pain killers on several occasions, which was admittedly pretty foolish on their part. He had caught them and now because of that, he wasn't eating or drinking anything unless he got up himself and made it. But since he hardly ever left the computers, which was almost never.

The circles under his eyes were darker than ever and whatever pigment that had previously been in his skin seemed to have been sucked out, leaving his skin an almost transparent colour. He seemed light-headed at times and winced now and then when his physical pain suddenly spiked. His jaw would clench and his grip on the chair beneath him would tighten, stretching the skin over his knuckles to the point the Task Force was worried it would split open. His back would suddenly tense, his eyes darken with the pain he felt.

He never made a sound, though. They all knew he was a silent sufferer.

They tried their best to stay out of his way.

L wasn't in the room at the moment, which when Matsuda dropped the files, they were all grateful for. If the detective had been there, he was sure to snap at the clumsy officer or stay silent, his eyes narrowing in annoyance, which was sometimes much worse than him verbally voicing his dislike of such carelessness.

Dr. Keiser had come by earlier to check up on L. The detective wasn't too happy about it, but he didn't protest.

Light went about typing while the rest of the Task Force worked silently behind him. Five minutes passed before the silence was broken.

"I've noticed something!" Matsuda said, sounding excited. The others didn't pay him much mind, though.

"What is it?" Aizawa said anyway, just to humour him.

"Kira's killings have been slowing!" Matsuda exclaimed excitedly. Everyone turned to look at him. "Un-convicted criminals are no longer being killed and not as many in prisons are, either!"

Everyone stood up and went over to the graph that Matsuda had created. He was right. There was a slow but steady decline in the deaths of criminals all over the world. This didn't surprise Light in the slightest, he was the one who had told Misa to start doing it.

Misa had been taking care of Kira's duties since L was out of the hospital. After being sent into a coma, the detective was even more suspicious of Light of the killing of criminals, so Light couldn't afford to take any risks.

"They must've learned that L is still alive somehow," Soichiro said.

Aizawa nodded. "That must've been a blow to Kira."

"We should go tell L," Matsuda said, bubbling with excitement.

None of them tried to detour him as he headed out of the room, only followed. Light's mind whirled.

'_I had Misa slow down the killing,'_ he thought to himself. _'But why? There was no real need….'_ Light knew the answer and didn't want to admit it to himself, but he couldn't hold the thought back. _'I did it because I needed a grip on something. A solid handle so I could be in control of _something._ I needed a sense of security. The others are right that L not dying was a blow to me. How am I supposed to believe in its power if it fails to do what it's meant to?'_

The team reached a room on the fourth floor that they knew L and Dr. Keiser were in. Matsuda didn't seem to take into account that if L wanted them to see what was going on he would have stayed downstairs. He knocked on the door three times and, unable to contain his excitement, pushed the door open without waiting for a response.

Dr. Keiser was standing in front of the detective with an empty syringe and needle in his hand. It was poised over L's unbelievably pale, muscled arm.

L was leaning on a wooden table in the middle of the room, surprisingly not hunched over. His legs were crossed at the ankles in front of him. He was leaning on the table with his left arm, totally exposing his well-toned, bare abdomen and chest. His sides were lightly painted in bruises, as were his back and upper arms. There were scars littering his back and one particularly deep one caught the Task Force's attention.

It was etched into the detective's pale skin from his right side and down and forward to the front of his hip where the rest of it was hidden by his jeans. He didn't seem to care whether they saw or not.

They both looked up as the Task Force entered, neither looking angry or even interested at the disruption. They looked back down to L's arms, where Dr. Keiser started to push the needle into L's arm and draw blood into the syringe.

L didn't even flinch. "Do you need something?" he asked in an indifferent voice, keeping his eyes on the blood flowing into the clear container.

"Matsuda noticed something with the Kira killing," Soichiro said after a slight pause. "They're slowing."

Aizawa nodded. "We think that they somehow know L is still alive. They could be doubting the powers of the Death Note and be withdrawing."

Dr. Keiser had finished drawing blood and pulled the needle out of L's arm. He grabbed a piece of gauze and folded it a couple of times before placing against where the needle had pierced the detective's skin.

Light didn't miss how L flinched slightly when Leigh's fingers brushed his arm. Light glanced at the rest of the Task Force and saw he wasn't the only one who noticed.

L leaned forward a little for balance and took his weight off of his right arm. He held the piece of gauze himself and Dr. Keiser withdrew his own hand to cut off a piece of medical tape. He handed it to L who placed it over the gauze himself. Dr. Keiser then started to pour the blood sample into tiny vials for the trip back to the hospital.

L seemed to be thinking through the process. He had that look on his face. "You're probably right," he stated finally. "Kira may stop killing all together. They're probably trying to make it gradual so it's not as noticeable."

"So what are we going to do?" Matsuda asked, voicing what they were all thinking.

L paused for a moment, thinking again. "Unfortunately, not much. We can just keep watching for any further patterns. Like I said before, they may stop killing all together if they're doubting the power of the notebook."

The Task Force just nodded in agreement. They knew L was right but they didn't have to be happy about not being able to do anything.

L fully pushed away from the table and grabbed his shirt next to him. At his full height he looked about 5'8", about an inch taller than Light. He pushed the white fabric over his head, covering his torso.

Light swallowed nervously as he watched L's shirt travel down his lean abs as he felt his heat rate increase and a sight tightening in his pants. _'What's wrong with me?'_ he wondered for the umpteenth time. _'I haven't been able to take my eyes off of L this whole time….'_

L started walking towards them and they all backed out of the doorway to let him through. He exited the room and started walking down the hallway. The Task Force followed.

Light's thought were wild; about Kira, about L, about the Death Note. He couldn't stop thinking about the detective no matter what. Every time he was around the man his heart felt like it was going to explode. Then Light noticed where he gaze was settled and screamed at himself before looking away.

The whole time they had been walking down the hall, he had been staring straight at L's ass.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:** I know, this chapter is another short one. I apologize. I kind of rushed through this one to get it up for you guys. Sadly, I haven't had a lot of time to devote to my writing as of late. But don't worry. I'm trying my best to change that.

Although this may be short, there is still some plot development and some Ryuk teasing the fuck out of Light, so at least it's not _too_ terrible, hopefully.

To make up for it anyway, the next chapter will be longer with some father/son bonding/comedy and *GASP!* possibly a mature scene that will finally earn this story the M-rating I put on it?! =O

Anyway, hope you guys enjoy (And happy daylight savings to those who do that annoying thing. I took away an hour of my sleep. As if I'm not deprived of it already.). =)

*~*~*~*

_There might have been a time  
I would give myself away._

_Once upon a time  
I didn't give a damn.  
But now here we are.  
So what do you want from me?  
What do you want from me?_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Thirteen**

The street lights illuminated the room, casting oddly-shaped shadows dancing across the walls and ceiling. The headlights of a car flickered through the window, flashing a blinding glow to every corner of the room.

Light Yagami lay on his bed, squinting at the sudden intrusion of brightness. Just as fast as the headlights had appeared, they disappeared from view, the vehicle to which they belonged turning down a side street and racing away. Though the brightness was now gone, Light didn't open his eyes again. Instead, he slowly slid them closed, sighing heavily. He had a lot on his mind.

He heard Ryuk's laughter as he came through the ceiling, trying his best to block it out. He felt something hard hit him in the head and gritted his teeth together, refusing to open his eyes. Ryuk howled in laughter, picking his apple back up where it had rolled off of Light's head to the bed.

"You haven't been writing names down," the shinigami pointed out, taking a bite of the red fruit.

"No," Light answered simply, not wanting to talk to the annoying creature at the moment.

Ryuk, however, being his pushy self, didn't let it drop. "Why not?" he asked in a tantalized tone that drove Light mad.

Instead of answering the death god right away, Light stayed silent for a few minutes. His mind whirled with questions. He decided to ask the most important one first. "I thought that the Death Note killed whoever's name is written in it?"

"It does," Ryuk answered, throwing the last bit of apple into his mouth.

"Then why isn't L dead?" Light countered over the sound of crunching.

"Don't know," Ryuk said simply, floating around the room. "Maybe Rem didn't have enough time to write down his full name."

Light had thought about this before but had quickly dismissed this. "No, forty seconds is more than enough time to write a name." Light gave a frustrated sigh, clenching his jaw. "L should be dead."

Ryuk chuckled. "Are you sure you _want_ him to be dead?"

Eyes flying open, Light shot up into a sitting position on his mattress. He glared at the shinigami laughing hysterically while bouncing around the walls. "Of course!" he seethed, not sure if he was trying to convince himself or the annoying death god attached to his notebook. "Why wouldn't I?" he demanded. "He's my enemy! He's the only thing in my way of ruling the world!"

Ryuk was in complete hysterics by the time Light was done speaking. "I don't think so," he sang in a voice that made Light want to rip his hair out in frustration. "I've seen the way that you look at him. I_ also_ saw you staring at his ass. I think you have feelings for him." Ryuk flipped upside down in front of Light's face and made kissing noises.

Light growled low in his throat, resisting the urge to strangle Ryuk by tightening his hands around his bed sheets. "No, I _don't!"_ he hissed. Ryuk just laughed harder than ever, rolling back over and flying around the room. Light was now shaking with rage, trying to think of a way to silence the stupid shinigami. Then a thought struck him.

Light jumped off the bed, striding toward his desk. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before.

"No need to get prissy," Ryuk commented on the way Light was being dramatic.

Light ignored the other and sat down, pulling out the top drawer. He reached in, feeling around for it. When his hand finally connected with it, he felt a shudder run through his body. But it was different from when he usually came in contact with it. Usually he felt excitement, exhilaration. Now, he only felt uncertainty and fear. Trying to push it down, he withdrew the object, placing it on top of his desk.

Ryuk was floating over him, looking down at the thing. His eyes widened suddenly in excitement. "Is that Rem's?"

"Yes," Light said his voice barely audible. Was he really going to do this? _Could_ he do this? "It is."

"What are you going to do with it?" Ryuk asked, barely able to contain himself.

Light looked down at the cursed thing, his heart racing. What was he doing? He couldn't possibly do this…. But he _had_ to. If he didn't, Kira would be caught and he would be put to death. Light only then registered Ryuk's question and answered mechanically, "Kill L."

Light flipped open the notebook, looking for the last page to be written on. It wasn't hard to find; it hadn't been used that much. He saw Watari's name on the first line of the right page, seeming to taunt him. Images of the kind old man's face flashed in Light's mind, sending rivers of guilt flooding from his heart.

Light almost lost his reserve, but he knew he had to do this. Forcing his eyes down to the next line, his heart seemed to stop. He didn't know what he had been hoping for; whether he wanted it to be there or not. But whatever his wishes were, there it was.

L's name.

Light felt numbness take over his entire body as he stared down at the scrawl, unable to pry his eyes away from it.

Behind him, he heard Ryuk laugh.

*~*~*~*

_There might have been a time  
I would give myself away._

_Once upon a time  
I didn't give a damn.  
But now here we are.  
So what do you want from me?  
What do you want from me?_

*~*~*~*

Song:

What Do You Want From Me?

Artist:

Adam Lambert


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:** Okay, who's ready for a mature scene???? I am. ;) Just to let you know, this is my first time doing anything this graphic, but I'm gonna give it a shot. So please be nice. ^.^;

But first, you have to get through some more Ryuk teasing, and some father/son bonding/"just shoot me right now" stuff. =)

Also, the poll on my profile is now closed, so you can go and view the results. Thank you to everyone who voted. I also put another one up 'cause I was just curious. And, this is my longest chapter yet. ^.^

Now, on with the story.

**Warning:** This chapter contains a mature scene. Any underage readers should skip over the designated part in this chapter, for it has Light having naughty thoughts and doing dirty, dirty things in the shower. ;)

*~*~*~*

_Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hope for all eternity_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Fourteen**

The pen quivered in Light's grasp, hovering a mere centimeter away from the page in front of him. He glanced back up to the lines with Watari and L's names adorning them. He sucked in a deep, shaky breath.

'_I don't think I can,'_ he thought, images of the detective's face flashing through his memories, thousands of snap-shots of the pale man eating sweets, typing on the computer, glancing at him with obsidian eyes, and even a few of the rare times he slept when they were chained together. Those were his favourite memories. L had looked so peaceful, contrary to when he was awake, looking stressed and exhausted.

Then other images flew through Light's mind. Ones of him and L out in the rain and on the stairs, the feeling of their lips moving together perfectly, the electricity Light felt when their tongues had been about to tangle together. Then of L in the hospital, hooked up to vital monitors and IV drips.

Light's heart ached at those images. The pen quavered more in his hand, pulling away from the paper.

"Are you gonna do it or not?" Ryuk asked impatiently behind him.

Light jumped a little, turning around to face the shinigami. "Of course I'm going to do it," he snapped. "Why wouldn't I?"

Ryuk laughed with a taunting look on his face. "Because you have feelings for him," he replied.

"No I don't!" Light hissed, his eyes narrowing. How come everybody kept saying that? They had no idea what he felt!

"If you don't, then why haven't you written his name down yet?" Ryuk contradicted. "If you don't and you really wanted to kill him, you would've done it already." The shinigami flew around the room again. "You've been staring at his name for five minutes! You don't want to do it."

Light opened his mouth to retort, but there was a knock on the door before he could think of anything to say. Clenching his jaw shut, he closed the notebook and threw it in the drawer again. He put on a calm mask and shut the drawer. "Come in," he said smoothly, hiding his anger and frustration perfectly.

The door opened and Soichiro stepped into the room. He looked uncomfortable as he closed the door behind him.

"What is it, dad?" Light asked, sounding a little overly calm. Soichiro didn't seem to notice.

Taking a deep breath, Soichiro shoved his hands into his pockets, looking at the floor. "Well…. Your mother and I had been talking…." He shifted uncomfortably and Light began to feel uneasy. "Well, you kind of came up in the conversation."

"You and mom were talking about me?" Light asked feeling slightly offended.

"Not really," Soichiro said quickly, looking up at Light. He shuffled his feet, looking at some space behind his son's head. "We were just talking about relationships, and I mentioned that you may be pretty interested in someone."

Light let out a strangled little laugh. "Dad, mom already knows about Misa. And I'm honestly not that interested in her. But Ryuzaki thinks it's crucial to the investigation that I pretend like I do."

His dad cleared his throat. "Well, I know all that. But Misa wasn't who I told you mother about."

Light narrowed his eyes and a sinking feeling settled into his chest. "Who?" he asked cautiously, having the feeling he already knew.

"I told her it was someone on the investigation team…. A guy…."

Light stood up abruptly, his eyes wide. He had been pretty sure that's what his father had told his mother, but to know that _was_ what he said came as a shock nevertheless. "You told Mom I'm gay?" he hissed, trying his best not to yell.

When he finally registered how he had said it—like he was accusing Soichiro of revealing a secret, not telling a lie—heat rose up into his face.

Soichiro seemed to notice Light's discomfort and didn't dwell on that point. "Yes. Well, no. I told her that I only _think_ that's how you feel about him, not that you _do_ feel about him."

It didn't escape Light's notice how his father emphasized the word _him._ He took a deep, slightly shaky breath.

"Light," Soichiro said, stepping forward a bit, and then stopped. He sighed, too, starting over again. "Light, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people are homosexual."

"Dad," Light said, "I'm not gay." He just hoped that his words didn't sound as false and uncertain to his father as they did to him.

Soichiro nodded, obviously not believing Light's lie. "Okay, well, either way, your mother wanted me to come up and talk to you."

Wearily, Light sat back down. He then caught a flash of Ryuk in the corner of his eyes, floating over his bed. He ignored the shinigami, knowing that whatever what was going to happen, Ryuk was about to make it a million times worse for him. "About what?" he asked, pretending he didn't have a clue, when in reality, he knew god damned well what it was going to be about.

Soichiro walked over to the closet edge of the bed to Light and sat down. It took a few seconds for his to speak, trying to figure out how to start. "Light, you're at an age…." His father shifted on the bed and Light saw Ryuk now floating directly above his father, making faces at the unaware man. "Well, your age is pretty awkward. Your body is changing, and hormones and all…."

Ryuk had burst out laughing at 'hormones' and was now bouncing around the room. Light had he restrain himself from screaming at the annoying death god. "Humans are so strange," Ryuk stated, sitting upside down on the ceiling, still snickering.

"Dad," Light started, wanting his father out of his room as soon as possible. This would have been humiliating enough with just his father, but it was too much with annoying, nosy shinigami who was more than likely going to ask his tons of stupid questions when this was over with.

Soichiro wouldn't have it, though. "No, let me finish," he said, cutting Light off. "Your mother will kill me otherwise," he added to himself in a mutter. He sighed again. "Light, I am already aware that you know all about and have gone through puberty. But now that you're getting older and more into relationships, I just want to make sure that you're informed."

Ryuk was bouncing off the walls again, making it difficult for Light to concentrate on ways to get his father out of there as quickly as possible.

"Dad, I already know about sex," he blurted, his face heating up He hadn't even consciously thought that, but he guessed if he let his dad know that he already knew all about this, then there wouldn't be any reason for him to stay.

Soichiro nodded. "And by _know about it_…. Do you mean…?" The question was left to hang in the air, unfinished. But both of them knew what the other part of it was.

Light's flush deepened, knowing that what his father was really trying to ask was, _'Have you had sex before?'_ and more specifically, _'Have you had sex with L?'_ As that thought came into his mind, Light felt his heart speed up as certain images leapt into his brain, triggered by the words _L_ and _sex_ in the same sentence. As those thoughts whirled around his mind he felt his pants tighten.

'_Fucking _great!' he thought.

"No," he finally answered. "I've never…. I'm still a virgin."

"Well that should change soon," Ryuk said through his peals of laughter. "With your lovey-dovey feelings for L and all. Besides, you _should_ get laid. You're too uptight."

Light ignored the shinigami and noticed a relieved look on his father's face. "Well, then," Soichiro said, shifting on the bed again. "Since it's not too late…. Before it is, we should talk about protection."

Ryuk started in on another laughing fit. "If its two guys do they need to even _worry_ about protection?" he asked. He was rolling in midair, clutching at his stomach.

Again, thoughts of L pressing against Light flashed through the teenager's mind, making his pants even more uncomfortable. Then worse—or better, depending on how you looked at it—thoughts swamped Light's mind.

L's hands running across his bare skin, his cool lips trailing down his neck, their hips grinding slowly together, then L sliding slowly, slowly down, his mouth becoming fastened on the throbbing pain between Light's legs….

Light snapped back to reality, his pants very tight now. He found he was very grateful that he had crossed his legs when he sat back down.

"I know about condoms, too," he said quickly, hoping he hadn't zoned out for too long. Apparently he hadn't, because Soichiro didn't seem at all aware of the thoughts running ramped in his son's mind.

"Do you know how to use them?" his father asked, making Light flush darker yet. "How to put them on?"

"No," he admitted, desperate to get his father out. He was having a serious problem concentrating with the throbbing discomfort in his pants. "But it can't be that difficult." He suddenly saw a chance to end the conversation where it was and seized it before his father could take it any further. "And I doubt that you're going to show me how."

Soichiro shifted uncomfortably on the bed, obviously not too eager to go on with the subject any longer.

'_Good,'_ Light thought.

"No, I'm not," Soichiro said. He cleared his throat, seemingly as eager to leave the room now as Light was to have him leave. "So if you don't have any questions…."

"No, I'm fine," Light said, the words sounding a bit rushed. He couldn't help it though. He needed his father out of the room. _Now._

Soichiro stood up, walking toward the door. "Okay, then. I'll leave you alone." He turned the knob and opened the door and turned around. "Dinner will be ready in half an hour," he said, trying to defuse the uncomfortable atmosphere.

"I'm not hungry," Light lied. He was really starving, but he didn't want to share a room with anyone at the moment. Let alone his mom and dad, who were thinking about him having sex.

It was then he realized that Ryuk was no longer in the room. He wondered briefly where the shinigami had gone to, but then decided quickly that he didn't care.

Soichiro looked at him with an understanding gaze and nodded. "I'm sorry about that. You mother wanted me to…."

"It's fine," Light said.

Soichiro nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Light groaned and put his head on the desk, clenching his hands into fists in anger at himself. He had thought about L almost the entire time. And not just about L. About having _sex_ with him.

More thoughts crept into Light's mind about the detective, reminding his of his current problem. He had tried to ignore it but if hadn't worked. It was starting to get painful and worse by the second. And it was all because he couldn't get L out of his head.

Standing up, Light went into the bathroom. He walked over to the shower, turning on the cold water full blast. This usually helped him whenever something like this happened. He quickly undressed, trying his best not to cause friction on his sex.

Stepping into the shower and drawing the curtain closed, Light stood under the icy water, letting it beat down on his chest and run down his abdomen to his thighs. It didn't help the issues he was trying to resolve, though.

He bent his head into the cold stream and wet his hair. He then turned around and poured some shampoo—coconut butter—on his hand and began lathering it into his hair. After he rinsed that out he repeated the process with his conditioner. He had hoped to take his mind off of the problem between his legs, but nothing was working.

Growling agitatedly, he grabbed the body wash and squirted some into his hand. He began rubbing it into his skin, shivering at the touch. Another thought of L popped into his mind, of the detective running his hands across Light's chest, down his arms and back up, all over his entire body, not missing a single spot, paying extra attention to a certain part of Light's lower anatomy.

Light hadn't noticed his hand slipping down his abdomen until his hand grazed his persistently erect member. He whimpered at the slight sensation it shot through him, not able to keep the thought of L doing it to him out of his mind.

He looked down at the part of his body that was betraying him. He knew that it wasn't going to go away on its own like it always did. Swallowing thickly, he gently wrapped his hand around the base, biting his lip as shivers ran up his spine.

Griping his problem tighter, Light slowly began to stroke himself, running his hand up and down his length. He whimpered at the sensation it gave him, closing his eyes to the feeling. He leaned back against the wall, the room seemingly becoming heated despite the cold water.

Thoughts of the one causing the problem slipped into Light's mind, unconsciously making his grip himself harder and stroke his erection faster. He imagined L doing this to him, the pale man's long pianist fingers touching him, wrapping around the most sensitive part of him.

He thought about L pressing against him, the water cascading down their bodies as L kissed and nipped at his neck, about to bring Light to his climax. The teen let out a soft moan as he thought of L's free hand roaming over his body, Light's own hands planted firmly in L's hair and on his back.

Light began to buck into his hands as he imagined L grinding his hips into Light's, the detective's own erection sliding past his with a friction that made Light call out the other's name. The teen began panting as he felt himself on the edge, about to topple over at any moment.

"L…." Light tossed his head to the side, pumping himself faster still, his hips thrusting wildly into his hand. "L…." Light moaned out the detective's name again and again, loving the way it rolled off his tongue.

"L, L, L, L…."

A coiling heat wound up in Light's abdomen and he knew that he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer. His muscles tensed and he gripped himself harder yet, envisioning L doing so, and stroked faster. He began panting, a layer of sweat coating his skin. He felt like he was about to burst at any moment.

"L!" Light moaned out loudly as he came, feeling the sticky white substance coat his hand. He threw his head back in ecstasy, his world going white. He gasped for breath, his heart beat erratic in his chest.

Finally catching a decent gasp of air as his sight began to clear up, Light slouched fully against the wall. He was still panting and he could feel the remains of his activities all over his hand. He blinked a few times, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he just masturbated to L.

In a haze, Light quickly cleaned up, his mind still whirling from both his release and the stress he was suddenly feeling. Turning off the water and stepping out of the shower, he dried off and got dressed. He walked into his room, jumping slightly at the sound of Ryuk's laughing voice.

"I didn't know L got you so hot and bothered," the shinigami laughed, munching on an apple.

Light gritted his teeth. Was that fucking shinigami watching him?

'_Fucking pervert,'_ Light thought, anger and embarrassment rushing through his veins.

"He doesn't," he said, walking over to his bed.

Ryuk howled with laughter. "You just masturbated to him and called out his name. I think you like him!" Ryuk flew in front of Light and started making kissy faces at him.

Light balled his hand into a fist and went to punch the annoying entity but his hand went right through the laughing figure. "No, I don't!" Light seethed.

"Then why don't you kill him?" Ryuk said in a challenging tone.

Anger burst through Light's heart and all he could see was red. "You want me to kill him?" he asked, walking over to his desk and pulling out Rem's Death Note. "Fine!" Light flipped angrily through the pages to the one with Watari and L's names on it. Grabbing a pen and scrawling harshly on the page, Light copied L's name down.

Throwing the pen to the side, Light looked down at his writing and a coldness crept into his chest. What did he just do? His body felt like ice, his mind numb, unable to take his eyes off of the scrawl across the page.

He wrote it. He wrote L's name.

That realization dawned on Light and he flopped heavily down into his chair, unable to peel his eyes away from the words. He felt dead inside. He didn't want to. He didn't want to harm L. Why did he let Ryuk get to him so easily?

Now it was too late. There was no taking it back. He could only faintly hear Ryuk bursting with laughter behind him. The shinigami sounded so far away. The only thing in his world was the writing on the Death Note's Page.

_L Lawli._

*~*~*~*

_Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hope for all eternity_

*~*~*~*

Song:

Sorrow

Artist:

Flyleaf

*~*~*~*

**Author's Note:** =O Oh, no! What do you think will happen?

Special thanks to Vietta for the song suggestion.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** Guess what? We're half way through! =D Honestly, I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I can't wait to have you guys read the ending and see what you thought of the story, but I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when I've finished. I love this story so much. It kind of makes me sad that it's almost done.... Oh well. All good things must come to an end, right? ....Totally forgot what point I was going to make in this. =/ Guess I'll just drop it now. ^.^;

Also, sorry it took so long to update. I was having some problems with this chapter. =/

*~*~*~*

_When I wake up_

_The dream isn't done_

_I wanna see your face_

_And know I made it home_

_If nothing is true_

_What more can I do?_

_I am still painting flowers for you_

*~*~*~*

**Chapter Fifteen**

_L Lawli_

Light stared at the name and felt bile rising in his throat. _'What did I do?'_ he thought in anguish, his body feeling cold and numb.

Ryuk was still laughing hysterically in the background and Light finally thawed enough to notice it.

"Shut up, shinigami!" he yelled, whipping around and glaring at the annoying creature.

Ryuk just started laughing hared, bouncing about the room. Light gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw shut. He couldn't scream out his frustration like he wanted to. His family would hear then he would have to think up some excuse. He tried to calm himself by taking deep breaths, but it wasn't working very well.

Ryuk had tricked him into writing L's name down. He knew that if he pushed hard enough that Light would eventually snap and write L's name down. Light knew this with certainty. He had been played like a pawn.

Feeling a new flash of anger at this deduction Light grabbed the Death Note and threw it in the drawer, slamming it shut. If felt good to throw things around, but he had to stay calm. He couldn't act like anything was wrong. Just like any other time he had used the notebook.

But this time wasn't like all the other times. This time he had killed L. Light knew that this fact shouldn't make it any different, that he should feel just as cold as all the other times. But he couldn't feel cold and withdrawn from it. L wasn't a criminal. L didn't deserve to die. L was different.

Walking over to his bed in a daze, Light mechanically undressed down to his boxers and slipped under the covers. He looked over at his clock. It read 12 AM. Ryuk's laughter finally died down and the shinigami finally seemed to get that he wasn't going to get another reaction out of Light. Floating through the wall to get another apple, he left the teen alone in the room.

Light closed his eyes, still trying to break out of the numbing coldness in his mind. He couldn't, though. The image of L's name written in the Death Note haunted his thoughts. He replayed the scene in his mind if the pen gliding across the paper.

The more Light thought about it the more a self-loathing crept into his chest. If he hadn't let Ryuk get to him, if he hadn't written L's name down…. Light opened his eyes and looked at the clock.

12:14 AM.

L was dead. Light had killed him. Light wrote his name down in the Death Note. That had been over fourteen minutes ago. L had only had forty seconds to live before he suffered a heart attack. Tears crept into Light's eyes as he realized that if he had written something else down that he could have kept L alive.

'_But it wouldn't have mattered, anyway,'_ a voice told him. _'It only would've helped for a maximum of twenty-three days. You still would have ended up killing him.'_

Light clenched his eyes shut and turned his face into his pillow. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about L or the Death Note or Kira or anything. He just wanted his mind to go blank. He wanted to go to sleep.

But his mind wouldn't let him. Thoughts of _what ifs_ kept swirling through his mind, memories of the detective that he was so fond of. No matter how hard he tried, Light couldn't stop the thoughts and memories from coming back, nor the tears that spilled out of his eyes and the heartache he felt.

After tossing and turning for over an hour trying to dislodge and conscious thoughts, Light finally gave into exhaustion and fell asleep.

*~*~*~*

"_Ryuzaki? What's wrong?"_

_Light held the detective in his arms in complete disbelief. Rem had done it. Rem had written L's name into the notebook. L was having a heart attack and he would be dead soon._

_The thought of L dying sent panic throughout Light. No! This wasn't what he wanted! He never wanted this! How could he? He respected L, even considered him a friend! How could he have wished for this?_

_Screaming at the top of his lungs, Light began to shake L, yelling at him to get a hold of himself, not to close his eyes. Light felt tears streaming down his face. How could he let this happen? But it was too late. L's eyes had already slipped closed._

"_L! L! No! Wake up! No!" Light tried desperately to make the detective regain consciousness. "L! You can't do this! You can't leave me! I love you! Please! No!"_

_Light felt suddenly detached from the situation and noticed he was kneeling on the ground in the same position as before, but L wasn't in his arms. Panic flooded his veins. Hearing a scream he looked up sharply, seeing himself holding L with the Task Force around him, trying to calm him down. He was shaking L, yelling at him to wake up._

_But it was an act. Light knew it. This other Light had no compassion for the fallen detective. He didn't have compassion for anybody. He only cared about himself and what he wanted._

_Anger surging through his body, Light flew towards the other and plowed into him, only to land heavily on the floor in front of the scene. Looking back towards the other, Light knew that he had gone straight through his evil self._

_But it wasn't Light, evil or not. The Light he was looking at had blood red eyes and a proud, victorious smirk adorning his face. He was looking tauntingly down at Light and realization flooded through his body._

_No, he wasn't looking at himself. He was looking at Kira._

_Letting a scream rip through his throat, Light saw the scene in front of him changing, becoming foggy at the edges and seeming to drain from his sight. The next thing he knew he was sitting on steps in soaking wet clothes. L was alive and at his feet, drying them off._

_Light tried to speak but couldn't find the words. He knew he had to tell the detective how he felt. He wouldn't have another chance. Opening his mouth, trying to form words, L cut him off._

_L looked up at him, something hidden in those black orbs. "Light-kun…." L leaned up and Light found that he was leaning down eagerly. Their lips met and molded together immediately, as if they were made to fit each other. Their mouths moved as one and Light sighed into the kiss._

_Feeling L run his tongue across his bottom lip, Light moaned and opened his mouth immediately. He let L slip his muscle inside and met it with his own. Their tongues danced together and glided past one another gracefully._

_L gently pushed off the step he was on and forced Light to lie back. Light complied eagerly, wrapping his arms around the others thin body. He began to feel the pulling feeling of before and pulled L closer to him. He didn't want this to end. He wanted to keep tasting the detective. Feeling his surrounding changing despite his silent pleas, Light pressed his lips against L's harder, desperate for one last fleeting moment like this with him._

_Feeling the shift change but his lips still on L's, but in a less desperate manner, Light pulled opened his eyes. He pulled away a little at the sight of white walls and a tiled floor. Looking down at the one beneath him in the hospital bed, Light felt tears forming in his eyes._

_He had put L here. It was his fault that L had almost died and was suffering so much. How could he do that to him?_

_Leaning back down, Light conjured up all his strength and whispered, "I love you," into L's ear. Feeling a tear fall down his cheek and a mist cloud his brain, he closed his eyes, wishing to be no where else but in L's arms._

*~*~*~*

Amber eyes flew open in the darkness, wide and frightened. Light forced himself to loosen his tight grip on the sheets as he tried to calm himself. He was sweating and breathing hard, his heart beating a thousand miles in his chest. Lingering images of his dream floated in his mind, sending a cold pain shooting through his body.

Glancing at the clock he saw it read 2:08 AM. Sighing and turning over Light noticed that Ryuk was nowhere to be seen. For that he found himself grateful as tears began to escape his eyes.

Curling into a ball on his side, Light let his tears escape, muffling his sobs in his pillow. His thoughts were filled with L. Everything he had said to Light, every time the two of them had fought. Every single one. All Light's memories of L came rushing back, ripping his chest open.

For the rest of the night Light lay there, letting his long bottled up emotions pour out of him. All he could think about was L and how it was too late to have any chance with him, if he even had a chance in the first place.

Sunlight began creeping into Light's room and he glanced out the window. Hearing a knock on his door he turned his dead gaze to the clock on his bedside table.

6 AM.

"C'mon, Light," Soichiro called from the other side of the door, sounding a little worried. "We're going to headquarters early."

Light took a deep breath, trying to gather whatever strength he had left. "Coming," he called, his voice sounding stronger than he thought it would.

Putting on a mask he forced himself to move and get out of bed, a distant coldness spreading through his body and into his mind. Mechanically he got dressed and went through his morning routine.

Trying to steal himself as best he could, Light went downstairs and met his father at the door. Together they walked to the car and Light got in, looking out the side window as they drove to headquarters. To L.

Light tried as best as he could to prepare himself to see his dead love. He was finally able to admit to himself that he did love L. But it was too late. L was dead. Light had killed him. He wrote L's name in the Death Note.

And now L was gone.

*~*~*~*

_When I wake up_

_The dream isn't done_

_I wanna see your face_

_And know I made it home_

_If nothing is true_

_What more can I do?_

_I am still painting flowers for you_

_I am still painting flowers for you_


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note:** As I sat here eating my Reese's Puffs cereal with no milk (I hate cereal with milk. It gets all soggy =/) I felt like doing a lime scene. And guess what? It's between Aizawa and Matsuda! =D Haha. Yeah right. =) But there is one, so:

**Warning:** This chapter contains a mature-ish scene between two men. Don't like it, don't read it.

_It's really good_

_To hear your voice_

_Sayin' my name_

_It sounds so sweet_

_Comin' from the lips of an angel_

_Hearing those words_

_Makes me weak_

**Chapter Sixteen**

The main room was empty. The computers were all shut down and the familiar humming that came from them wasn't heard. None of the lights on the floor were on, either, leaving the whole area seemingly deserted and haunted.

The task force hesitated for a second before Aizawa flipped the light switch, turning the fluorescents on the ceiling to brighten the room. They paused again, unsure what to do. L was always there before them and told them any new information that he had found and gave them instructions on what to do.

But L wasn't there.

Soichiro cleared his throat and stepped into the room and the rest of the task force followed. They went to their usual working stations and started where they left off yesterday. Light hesitated a second longer in the doorway before following the others. He walked up to the main computers in a haze and turned them on. Taking his usual seat he waited for them to boot up, feeling anxious.

Fifteen minutes passed, and L still wasn't there. The task force started to get restless. L was never late. He was always early. Even when he was gone for whatever reason he was never gone this long.

Finally Soichiro cleared his throat and turned toward his son. "Light," he said in a calm voice. When Light turned around to look at him he continued. "Why don't you go look for Ryuzaki? It's not like him to be late."

Light wanted to shout and scream at his father that L wasn't late. He was dead, that he had written his name in the Death Note, that he was the reason L was no longer alive. That he had killed the only person he ever really loved. Instead, he kept the calm mask on and simply nodded, standing from his chair and walking out of the room.

Standing in front of the door, Light hesitated. So far he had checked his old room, the room he and L had shared together, and a few others, but he hadn't found the detective. He knew that he had killed him. He knew L was dead. But he had to see for himself. He had to know for sure. So he kept going.

But now he was at L's room, the same room that L had forbade anyone from ever going into. He wanted to just burst in and see if L was there, but he couldn't bring himself to. So slowly and tentatively, Light raised his arm and knocked softly on the door.

No answer.

He repeated the motion, louder this time.

No answer.

His heartbeat quickened, wanting to go in and not wanting to at the same time. However, the need to see L overcame him and he gripped the door handle. Turning it ever so slowly and pushing the door open, Light stepped into L's room.

It was dark, save for the lone red candle burning on the dresser. From that Light could tell that it was a pretty small room. He could tell L had never meant to be in it too much. The walls were a dark colour and there was a single large window opposite the door. The drawn curtains were a blood red that sent an unexplainable chill down Light's spine. When his gaze came to rest on the bed, though, that chill radiated throughout his entire body.

L's back was to him, his side rising and falling steadily with his breaths. He was on top of the sheets which matched the curtains and was shirtless. The glow cast across his skin from the candle highlighted the bruises that littered his pale flesh, as well as the old scars that had healed long ago.

Light stopped in the doorway and took in L's form and the physical manifestations of the pain written across the detective's face every day. It took a few seconds for Light to register that L was breathing. He took in a deep breath, his heart seeming to stop itself, his mind whirling, unable to focus on one thought for more than a second.

'_He's not dead,'_ he thought in a mix of panic and relief. _'But he should be! His name was written in the Death Note _twice!_ Is he immune to it somehow?'_

After a minute his mind cleared up enough for him to get a grip on himself. Swallowing thickly, he quietly stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. "L?" he called gently.

L let out a small groan and shifted slightly on the bed. Light had to restrain himself from running over and shaking the detective awake. Light took a few steps closer, now standing next to the bed. Without fully knowing what he was doing, he slowly and gently sat on the edge of the bed.

Taking a shaky breath, he looked over L's pale body, his heart beat quickening. He could feel the heat radiating from the detective's skin, so close to his own. Light examined the bruises that littered L's back and torso, seemingly barbaric in the dim candle light. The scars on the other man were mainly concentrated on his back and sides, but a particularly deep scar across the left side of L's chest caught Light's eye.

L sighed in his sleep, shaking Light out of his thoughts. He looked up to L's face, which seemed angelic and peaceful despite the injuries adorning his body. Swallowing again, Light called out L's name again while raising his arm and gently shaking the other's shoulder.

L let out a gasp, his eyes flying open in alarm. He sat up quickly, grabbing Light's arm and twisting it in an awkward position. Light cried out, bending forward with the pain. He was kept like that for a few moments, almost pressed against L's naked chest, able to hear the detective's frightened breathing.

Finally feeling the grip on him loosen, Light leaned back some, looking up at the one who had grabbed him. Their faces were only inches away from each other and when their eyes met, electricity sparked through the air like never before.

L's bangs fell over his eyes and the odd shadows the dancing candle flame sent across his face disabled Light from seeing any emoting within the detective. Half of his face was thrown into the darkness while the other half seemed to glow with an eerie light. L started to relax some more, but he didn't remove his grip from Light's arm.

Though L's eyes were invisible in the almost total darkness, Light could feel the other's gaze searing into his own, making his heart beat more rapidly than ever in his chest. _'He looks so sexy,'_ he thought, and for once he didn't try to contradict himself.

"Did you want something, Light-kun?" L asked, breaking the silence but not the spell that Light was under. The teen could feel L's breath ghosting across his face, ever so slightly blowing his bangs. The detective's breath smelled sweet, almost as if his mouth itself was made of sugar.

Light swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. "N—No," he stuttered. "The task force was just wondering where you were."

L nodded, but otherwise didn't move. "I felt tired," he explained in his usual monotone. His breath blew across Light's face again, sending a shiver down the teen's spine. "I came up to sleep for a while," he added, turning his head to look at the clock beside the bed. It now read 7 AM. "I didn't intend to sleep that long," he commented as he turned his gaze back to Light.

"Well…." Light cleared his throat, trying to think of something rational to say. He couldn't think straight. L was so close…. "They're waiting for you downstairs," he said quickly.

Silence greeted Light's words and he knew that he was free to go now, but he couldn't bring himself to release himself of L's grip on his arm. Awkwardly, Light looked down, unable to take L's gaze anymore. He found himself looking at L's bare and well-toned torso and thoughts of what he had done in the shower the previous night flooded his mind. Heat rose in his face and his cheeks were painted red in embarrassment. He knew L couldn't read his mind—though it felt like it sometimes—but Light couldn't help but feel that L's gaze was burning into his very soul, digging up secrets that he himself had long since forgotten.

"Why is Light-kun blushing?"

Light's cheeks burned hotter, his colour deepening. He hadn't wanted L to notice, but it seemed that the dim light in the room wasn't playing out in his favour. "I'm not blushing!" he snapped uselessly.

Light saw L tip his head slightly to the side to look Light better in the face. "It may be dark," commented the detective, "but I can most definitely see you blushing."

"Whatever," Light muttered embarrassedly, turning his head away from L.

Another silence descended upon them, the only sound in the room was their breathing. L tilted his head further, still trying to gain Light's eye contact. His gaze swept across Light's face, taking in his every feature.

Light shifted uncomfortably under L's intense gaze. He finally turned to him, unable to take to tension anymore. "What?" he snapped, his nerves getting the best of him.

"You look very attractive flushing that shade of red," L murmured, not faltering in his gaze. "Especially in this light…."

Light's eyes widened and his heart fluttered before pounding against his rib cage. He couldn't help the feeling like he was a school girl that just got complimented by his crush. His face got hotter, and in turn, he flushed darker. He couldn't sift through the thoughts in his mind to come up with a sensible response.

L smirked a little in the dim light. "Something wrong, Light-kun?" he asked innocently. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

Light broke his eye contact with L, barely able to contain his nerves. "I was just told by another guy that I'm attractive," he muttered quietly. "Of course it made me uncomfortable."

The words sounded fake and forced to Light. And they obviously did to L, too, for his smirk just grew. "You obviously liked it, though," the black haired man observed. "Or you wouldn't have blushed more."

"Shut up!" Light snapped, locking his humiliated gaze with L's. Why did the detective have to analyze everything? He didn't want L knowing how he felt. Not if L was only going to harass him with the knowledge.

L's smirk grew still. "Do you need something else, Light-kun?" he asked slyly. "Or do you just enjoy my company so much that you don't want to leave?"

Light balled his hands into fists. Why did L have to taunt him? It was his fault Light was feeling this way in the first place! If L wasn't himself then Light never would have felt this way. "I don't enjoy your company," Light shot at the detective, his eyes narrowing. He added venom to his voice, but he doubted that anything would get L to stop now.

"Then you want something else," L stated simply.

Light sighed, annoyed. "No," he said. "Not really."

"Not really?" the other questioned. "That leaves room to speculate that you do."

Light swallowed and shrugged. Now that he thought about it, L was right. There _was_ something that he wanted at this moment, more than anything else. "There is something," he admitted, "but it's not important."

"Well," L countered, "how do you know it's not important if you don't tell me?"

"I just know!" Light snapped, feeling stupid. He didn't want to be having this conversation. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't find the strength to get up and walk away.

L narrowed his eyes slightly, his tone taking on a slight pouting edge. "That's no fun, Light-kun…."

Light refused to make eye contact with the other. "I doubt you want to hear it," he muttered, trying to hide his face.

"I doubt your right," L murmured softly. Light finally glanced up, looking at the older man. L was looking at him with a softness in his eyes that made Light's heartbeat quicken. Light hesitated, not sure if he wanted to share the one thought running through his mind at the moment.

L shifted on the bed so that he was now kneeling in front of Light. He leaned in a little closer, making Light freeze in place. L was so close to him now…. "What is it?" L murmured, his sweet breath ghosting across Light's face, ruffling his hair slightly.

Light swallowed the lump in his throat, unable to comprehend anything other than L being so close to him. He couldn't think straight. So he said the only thing he could think about at that moment.

"Kiss me again," he whispered.

Silence enveloped them as they stared into each other's eyes, Light's words hanging over them. L started unblinkingly into Light's gaze. Light blushed deeply and turned his head away in an effort to break the awkwardness of the situation. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could he felt L's hand on his cheek, his fingertips barely brushing Light's skin. Light sucked in a breath and turned back to the detective, who didn't remove his hand.

L smirked a little at the look on Light's face. He knew the teen hadn't meant to blurt his desire out. He leaned in gently, turning his gaze from Light's eyes to his lips. He heard Light's breath speed up as he came closer and he couldn't help but feel a slight satisfaction that he had that effect on him.

Light's whirling mind stopped completely when he felt L's cool lips on his own, his breath hitching and his heart stopping before his senses went into overdrive. He leaned into the kiss and felt L's hand move from his cheek and wind its way to the back of his neck, pulling him closer still.

Their lips moved together as one, the air becoming quickly heated as the kiss that had started out as innocent quickly became passionate. Light felt a growing need between his legs and his pants started to become uncomfortable. He tried to push closer to L but the other pulled away and Light immediately whimpered from the loss of contact.

L put his forehead against Light's as the two panted, trying to breathe correctly as their breath mingled together. L smirked as Light whimpered and gently kissed his forehead then his temple, trailing slowly down to his cheek then his jaw, nipping softly at Light's taught flesh that stretched over the bone. Light moaned and L trailed more kisses back up to Light's lips.

Light was panting again by the time L reclaimed his lips. He opened his mouth and forced his tongue through L's lips in his passion. His body was on fire and he wanted more of L. He wanted to feel L everywhere and he wanted L to feel him. L's tongue battled with Light's for dominance. They seemed to be tied until L pulled Light's tucked-in shirt out of his pants and snaked his hand up the teen's toned body and across his chest.

Light gasped as L's nails racked down past his nipple, throwing his head back and breaking the kiss. L attacked his neck, devouring his collar bones with his tongue and snaking his other hand under Light's shirt. He continued to play with Light's nipples and nip at his neck as Light fell forward onto L's bare shoulder and panted heavily, the problem between his legs now painful.

"L," Light moaned both from the pleasure the detective was giving him and the throbbing pain between his legs. He needed a release and fast.

L stopped his motions and pushed Light forward to look him in the eyes. Their eyes held equal passion and lust, both understanding the other's desire. L kissed light deeply, shoving his tongue through Light's lips and pushed Light back onto the pillows. Light swung his legs onto the bed and grabbed L's hips as the detective straddled him.

L ran his hands across Light's clothed chest and continued kissing him. He leveled his hips above Light's and pushed down roughly. Light pulled away from the kiss and moaned loudly as their erections ground past each other. He lifted his hips off the bed to get more of the sweet friction and groaned as L pushed his down, creating greater pleasure.

L kept grinding down into Light as he started unbuttoning the teen's shirt, kissing everywhere new skin was revealed. Light was panting and he moved his hands from L's hips and slid them up L's back. Light couldn't tell if L's skin was heated more with his fever or passion. He felt the scars that littered his back and traced a particularly deep one on his lower back.

L gasped, pulling back from Light, stopping all movement. Light opened his eyes and saw a startled gaze on L's face before it was wiped completely blank. Before Light had a chance to ask what was wrong, L had gotten off of him and was looking through his dresser for a shirt. He found one and quickly threw it on, heading towards the bathroom.

Light sat up quickly, his arousal disappearing due to the unexpected interruption. "What's wrong?" he asked, worried about L's reaction. Had he reminded L about something bad that had happened to him when he touched L's scars? Or had he just decided that he didn't want Light at all? The second thought pulled at Light's heart, but L's brusque response tore it in half.

"Light-kun should get back downstairs to the Task Force," he said, not even glancing at Light, his voice its usual monotone. "I'll be down in a minute." L entered the bathroom then, closing the door and ending any conversation they were about to have.

Light sat on the bed looking at the door L had disappeared behind. He was very worried now. He couldn't ever remember L acting in this way before. What was wrong? He slowly got up in a slight daze. Any thoughts he had had about what him and L did less than half a minute ago were gone, replaced by worry and confusion. Walking over to the door, Light put his hand on the knob before turning around to the bathroom was. He didn't hear anything and wondered briefly if he should make sure L was alright. He quickly decided against it. He didn't want to get into an argument with him right now.

When he got back down to the Task Force, no one seemed to find it odd he was gone so long. It was a big building, of course, so they naturally assumed that Light had spent all this time looking for the detective.

"Ryuzaki will be down in a minute," he announced as if nothing was wrong. He went over to his seat and sat down, bringing up files on the computer. He tried to concentrate on the file in front of him, but his mind was still up in L's bedroom. He couldn't stop worrying about the older male and wondering what had made L stop so abruptly.

His mind ran in circles until L came down three minutes later, his usual self; baggy but suiting jeans and white shirt and a blank expression. Despite the sleep he got, the dark circles under his eyes seemed darker than ever.

Everyone mumbled hellos in his direction, but didn't glance at him. This had become the typical greeting for L. No one wanted to talk to him more than absolutely necessary to avoid possibly saying something that might set him off or look at him in a way that he thought they were pitying or feeling sorry for him.

They had quickly learned not to ask him how he was doing or ask him if he wanted anything. He would never snap at them but his voice was always tense, and despite his trying to sound emotionless, anger always edged his tone. They knew that he didn't want to go off on them any more than they wanted him to, so they started refraining from any type of contact unless absolutely necessary. No one wanted to say the wrong thing and have to face a pissed off L.

The only exception to this was Light and the two exchanged thoughts quite frequently. Except for today. They were silent, not even glancing over at each other. This made Light's mind whirl even more. He couldn't handle L's silence. He wanted to know what was wrong, if he did something, and if he did, to apologize.

But Light knew to keep quiet. Light was the same as everyone else, and he didn't want to deal with a pissed off L anymore than he wanted the Task Force to know about what had happened between him and the detective.

_It's really good_

_To hear your voice _

_Sayin' my name_

_It sounds so sweet_

_Comin' from the lips of an angel_

_Hearing those words_

_Makes me weak_

Song:

Lips of an Angel

Artist(s):

Hinder

Jack Ingram

**Author's Note:** Was it good for you? ;) Honestly, I have no idea if a guy can kill an erection that fast, as I am not of the male gender. Though based on the conversations I've had with my male friends, I'm going to guess that they indeed can. I apologize if it is not biologically correct. And if it isn't, oh well. Light's "special" after all, now isn't he. ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: **I'm SO sorry that it's taken me months to update. I've just been going through some stuff that's taken up all of my time and thought and disabled me from writing. Just hope that it's over now and I can once again focus on this story. Again, I would like to apologize for punishing my readers for something that you had nothing to do with. I hope you'll forgive me.

**Chapter Seventeen**

Soichiro and Light walked behind the others on their way to the door. It was 18:00 and the Task Force was headed home. Soichiro got his coat from the hallway before noticing Light wasn't doing the same. "You know, Light, you should come home tonight," he said, looking at his son. "They haven't seen you in a while and they miss you."

"I know," Light said, not looking his father in the eye. "But I should stay and help Ryuzaki with the case. I promise I'll be home a lot more after the case is solved." Light was lying through his teeth. He really had no intention of being home anymore than he usually was. And he wasn't really staying for the case. He needed to talk to L and find out what was wrong with him.

Soichiro eyed his son. He remembered L working on a murder case when they left, seeing as how the Kira case wasn't going anywhere. "I don't think L is working on the Kira case tonight," he commented. "Why don't you come home and get some rest?"

"L may not be working on the Kira case," Light dodged, thinking up a quick excuse, "but I will be." He needed to stay and talk to L. Now would be the perfect time.

Soichiro knew that his son wanted to stay behind with L. He had the feeling that it would be like this for a long time. He wasn't lying when he said he supported Light, but he didn't want to see his son hurt, either. One day L would leave, and it was unlikely that L would allow Light to tag along.

"I promise I'll come home tomorrow night," Light said quickly, seeing the look on his father's face. He was probably lying—he had no intentions of going home anytime soon—but he _had_ to stay. And he would say anything to make that possible.

Eyeing his son, the police chief sighed, finally giving in. Light was stubbourn sometimes. "Okay," he agreed. "I guess I can't stop you." With one last look at Light he turned around and walked away.

Light watched him go. He didn't feel any guilt for lying to his father. He couldn't. He had to ask L what was wrong. If he didn't it would eat him alive. The teen walked back into the main room where L was still working on another case. Light took his usual spot next to the detective and opened up a file on the Kira case, trying to think of a way to voice what he needed to know.

But L was the first one to break the silence. "Family troubles, Light-kun?" he asked in an uninterested tone, not taking his eyes off of the grizzly crime scene photos in front of him.

Light, caught off guard, looked over to the other male. "No," he replied after a pause. "Why would you say that?"

"You don't want to go home," L stated calmly. "You could see your mother and sister, and yet you chose not to. I cannot help but as to inquire why that is."

Still staring at the other, Light was taken aback. L thought that he was having family problems because he chose not to leave? Casually shrugging, Light replied, "I see them almost every day. Well, I used to, anyway. But it doesn't really matter. I'll be moving out as soon as this case is over, anyway."

L glanced over at Light curiously. Light met his gaze calmly even though inside he was screaming at himself to ask the question burning in his mind. After a moment of silence L turned away and started typing again. Light stared at the detective, wondering why he was so curious about his choice not to see his family.

Taking a deep breath, Light turned back to his own monitor. There really was nothing to go on in the Kira case, so he couldn't try to start a conversation that way. So he tried another approach. "Do you need any help with your cases?" he asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"No, thank you, Light-kun," L said in his usual monotone, not taking his eyes off the screen. "After this one I'll probably be taking a break."

Light glanced over at the detective, looking at him closely. The circles under the man's eyes were darker and more pronounced than ever before. He hadn't been eating, and he was sickly pale. "Are you feeling alright?" the teen found himself asking.

Without looking up, L sighed. "No," he admitted. "Not really."

"Should I call the doctor?" Light worried, standing up from his chair and starting to walk over to the phone. Before he got too far he felt L grab his wrist to stop him. "No!" the detective almost shouted, but that wasn't what startled Light.

L's sleeve had pulled up when he grabbed Light, and now the teen was staring at the little part showing of the detective's arm. Shocked, Light pulled L's sleeve up further, taking in a sharp breath. Dark bruises littered L's arm, the dark blue marks standing out against his pale skin. "These weren't there earlier," Light whispered.

"No," L snapped, yanking his arm away and pulling his shirt sleeve back down to cover his skin. "They weren't there earlier."

Light stared at the detective, not sure what to make of the sudden outburst. "L," he said slowly, "you have to get checked out. There's something wrong with you."

L turned his blazing eyes onto Light, making him flinch. "You think I don't know that?" L almost yelled. "I don't need _you_ telling me when there's something wrong with _my_ body! I think I'd be the first one to know!" L turned back to the computer screen and started typing.

Light stood there, bewildered. What had he done? What did he say? In a daze, Light slowly walked back to his chair and sat down. After a minute of an awkward silence, Light finally broke it. "I'm sorry," he found himself saying. "I didn't mean it like that. I know that you would know if something was wrong with you."

Sighing, L paused in his work. "No, I'm sorry," he murmured, a big contrast to his voice only a few moments ago. "I didn't mean to be so rude. I just don't feel too well and I'm stressed out right now. Please pardon my attitude."

"Wow," Light commented playfully. "You must really not feel well if you're apologizing."

Light was surprised when he heard a small laugh come from the man beside him. And he looked over. "Yes," L agreed jokingly. "Perhaps I should get my head checked as well."

Hesitantly, Light asked, "So, you agree with me about calling the doctor?" In return he received a half-hearted glare. He gave an innocent smirk and L replied with a small smile before turning back to his work. After a few seconds Light did the same.

The two of them worked comfortably in the silence, what happened just a few hours earlier seeming years away now. The only thing they were aware of was their fingers on the keyboards, the files in front of them, and each other's company, which they both found they were very grateful for.

**Author's Note:** I know that it's kind of short and a little rushed, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing this after so long without doing so and I wanted to get back to you guys so much. I hope you'll forgive me for disappearing like that and aren't too mad.

I also didn't put a song in because, well, I couldn't find a song to go with this chapter. I probably won't be putting them in the rest of the chapters, either. Just to let you know.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

"Why did you stop?"

The question slipped out of Light's mouth before he even knew he was thinking it, breaking the comfortable silence that had been settled over him and the other man in the room for an incredible nine hours now.

It was five in the morning now. L and Light had been working non-stop all through the night, not a word being exchanged between them. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, not in the least. But Light's mind still whirled with what happened earlier that day. He couldn't shake it out of his thoughts no matter how much he tried.

Now it was nine hours later and the Task Force was due to be there in less than two hours. Light still hadn't cleared his mind and he needed to know the reason behind the detective's actions.

L looked away from his computer and over to the teen. "Stop what?" he asked, a puzzled expression on his face.

Light's own face flushed red as he stumbled through his words. "Y—you know…. Earlier. When we were m….. In your room…" The teen looked down at his hands, remembering L's own on his body and how good it had felt. How he wanted that again and never wanted the other to stop. "Why did you stop?" he repeated his earlier question.

Clenching his jaw, L's eyes darkened. "A few reasons," was all he said, not offering any kind of elaboration.

Light's own eyes hardened, irritated by L's brusque response. "Like what?" he asked in an icy voice. He refused to be brushed off like he had earlier. He wouldn't be hurt like that again.

L had turned back to the computer, staying silent, his figure still tense. Light stared at him, refusing to back down. L seemed to sense the teen's mood because he turned back to him, sighing.

"For one," L stated, "you're underage."

Light's eyes widened, his jaw dropping a little. "I'm _underage?_ That's why?" He couldn't believe that something so little would affect the detective so much. Especially since L was the same one who had illegally installed security cameras throughout his home to spy on him. And that was just the beginning. He wouldn't be surprised much if L had had some run-ins with the police when he was younger.

"Partly," L replied shortly.

"By a few months!" Light exclaimed, exasperated.

L's eyes narrowed. "That's still underage. And that would make me a pedophile."

Taken aback, it took Light a few moments to come up with a response. "Pedophile implies that I would be unwilling," he said lamely, his face flushing with the knowledge of how _stupid_ that sounded.

Glaring, L replied, "Fine. But I would still be guilty of statutory rape. That is not I title I wish to have."

Light flinched a little at the word 'rape' but he still didn't back down. "So if I was eighteen you would sleep with me?"

Shaking his head, L looked away again. "Depending."

Hope flitted through Light's chest Maybe he did have a chance with L after all…. "On what?" he asked, maybe just a little too quickly.

"The other reasons," L offered up vaguely.

"Which are?"

Sighing, L turned back to Light. "For one, you're still dating Misa Amane."

'_Shit,'_ Light thought. Without the stupid blonde constantly clinging to him all the time, he had completely forgotten about her. She was filming a movie in America and wasn't supposed to be back for another six months. Sure she called him every day and sent him texts and emails, but he never answered them or picked up the phone when she called.

"Misa and I aren't serious," Light admitted. "We never were….. To be honest I have no idea why I even started dating her."

"Serious or not, you're still dating." L looked at him intently. "I do not believe in having relations with someone who is currently with someone else, no matter what the circumstances."

Desperate to dispel this excuse not to be with L, Light blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "Well, you don't have to worry about Misa. I'm going to break up with her. I've wanted to for a long time now, but I've never really had the chance to."

L looked at him skeptically and Light quickly diverged from that excuse. "So what's the other reason why you won't sleep with me?"

"You are the top suspect in the worst mass murder case in history," L said without hesitation. "If I _were_ to sleep with you, it would be highly inappropriate and unprofessional, even if it was nothing more than a one-night stand."

Light regarded L's answer for a moment. As long as he was a Kira suspect he would have no chance with L, no matter what he did. The realization hit him hard, knowing that he had come to a crossroads. He couldn't be the god of a new world and have the one that he loved at the same time. He would have to choose between the two.

After a moment Light realized that L was looking at him, most likely gauging his reaction. Slowly, Light said, "So, if I was no longer a Kira suspect, wasn't dating Misa, and I was eighteen you would sleep with me?"

Sighing, L turned away. "Maybe," he replied coolly.

A sudden anger rose in Light's chest. _Maybe?_ If he cleared all of L's conditions to sleep with him, he still only got a _maybe? _He opened his mouth to say something, but L cut him off.

"Please just drop it, Light-kun," he whispered.

Something in his voice made Light close his mouth. He stared at L, his anger being replaced by something else. Something foreign. Something he didn't like. It threatened to overwhelm him, and before it could he stood up. "I'm going to get some sleep before everyone else comes in." Without waiting for a reply he strode away and up the stairs.

In his bedroom Light collapsed on the bed just as a tear escaped his eye. Curling into a semi-ball, he gripped his pillow tightly. A sob crawled up his throat but he refused to let it come out. He closed his eyes, pretending to sleep for the cameras that were in there.

As his exhausted mind tried to sleep, he pondered his two options—to remain Kira or to try and make it with L. He knew that he could remain Kira for a very long time. There were ways to fool L and remain under his radar. But trying to be with L would be very complicated and unlikely to ever happen. However, the Death Note was supposed to have killed L twice now, and yet he was still alive. If the Death Note could be ineffective on one person, who knew how many other people it couldn't affect?

Light ran through option after option in his head, but to him the decision was already all but made. He knew which one he wanted more and he couldn't resist it. He couldn't live without it. As Light fell into a deep sleep, the memories of pale fingers trailing across his body echoed throughout his mind before darkness took over and a dreamless sleep ensued.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:** I meant to say this in the last chapter but I forgot to put it in before I posted and I was too lazy to go fix it. ^.^ I apologize for the shortness of the last chapter. I hadn't updated again in a while and I wanted to give you guys something to hold you over. This chapter may be a little small as well, but if you just bear with me, it will be worth it.

How worth it you ask?

Oh, trust me. **VERY** worth it. ;) I want to give you guys a present for sticking with me and being so supportive all this time. I had originally planned on this either only having one or two more chapters to be posted by now or to have had it done, but that obviously isn't the case…. And even if it had, I hadn't imagined all the love you guys have given me and this story. I got off topic, so back on it, I decided to tweak the story a tiny bit and have something happen that should make you all very happy. =)

And as this note will probably get longer than the chapter itself if I don't stop rambling, I shall shut my mouth. =)

**Chapter Nineteen**

His lone footsteps echoing gently around him, Light descended the stairs to the main room just in time to catch the conversation going on there.

"There have been no new Kira killings in four days," Aizawa was saying.

Matsuda looked at everyone with that seemingly ever-permanent lost look on his face. "Why do you think that is?" he asked in a tone to match his facial expression. Silence met his words and he looked around, waiting for someone to answer. He looked at Light as the teen came in, but Light ignored him and went to sit at his usual spot beside L.

"Maybe," L started, making everyone jump a little with the sudden sound, "Kira has given up. Maybe they have realized that there will always be criminals in the world and nothing they do will change that."

Light looked over at L and swore he saw L glancing at him. Anger rose in his chest along with some of the bitterness he still felt from their earlier conversation. But he kept his mouth shut about it. The last thing he needed on his mind right now was the aftermath of a fight with L in front of the Task Force and his father.

Everyone else in the room nodded, more than happy to accept that theory. To them that meant that this case was all but closed and they could go back to their lives as they were before Kira.

"However," L started again, "I doubt it." Everyone's faces fell but L took no notice and continued. "They've come this far and it's not likely that they would give up so suddenly."

There was a short silence before Matsuda spoke up and broke it. "But…. If that's not the reason, then what is?"

"I don't know," L replied honestly. "But if there are no new Kira killing within a few weeks…. Then I see no point in continuing with this case."

Shock electrified the air and it showed on everyone's faces, even Light's. After a second, though, the Task Force seemed more than happy to accept this turn of events.

Light listened silently, but not really listening at all. His mind was in turmoil, debating with itself. He only had two options available to him and he wanted both. But that was impossible. He couldn't have one without destroying the other….

He could give up Kira and try to be with L, or he could kill L and be Kira. He didn't know if he could deal with either option. He wanted nothing more than ridding the world of criminals, except for maybe being with L. Killing the other man would destroy his heart, but that meant being able to strive for the status of god. Giving up being Kira would mean giving up that stature…. But it also meant that he might be able to be with the one he cared most about…. And that was the real hindrance. That he _might_ be able to be with L…. It was no guaranteed thing. If he went that route, he could end up with nothing more than shattered dreams and a trampled heart.

"What's wrong, Light?"

Glancing to his right, Light saw Ryuk floating an inch from his face. He stayed calm however, not giving any sign to the others that his attention had been diverted to a shinigami. He was used to Ryuk trying to scare him in such ways by now.

"Getting frustrated?" Ryuk laughed in a mocking tone, floating away towards the ceiling. Light looked back to the computer screen, not wanting to risk L or anyone else notice him looking anywhere but at his work. "You have that look on your face. Thinking about giving up the Death Note?"

Ryuk wheeled about around the ceiling, laughing hysterically. Light's jaw tightened in anger. Not only because Ryuk's incessant laughter was infuriating, but also because the stupid creature had guessed exactly what he was thinking. Light realized in that moment that he had to make a decision, and soon. And after stealing a glance at L, he knew immediately which way he wanted to go. But he would have to act fast if he wanted to go through with it without second guessing himself.

If he second guessed himself, his plan would fail. And he couldn't afford to screw up. If he did, it would literally be the death of him.


End file.
